Daniel Handler Quotes

495 quotes in 5123 categories

• Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely.
• The quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about…
• Wherever there’s a conductor, you’re sure to find a dead composer!
• The Violins waltzed. The Cellos and Basses provided accompaniment. The Violas mourned their fate, while the Concertmaster showed off. The Flutes did bird imitations…repeatedly, and…
• Composer” is a word which here means “a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is…
• Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
• The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.
• Sometimes words are not enough.
• I'm not a believer in predetermined fates, being rewarded for one's efforts. I'm not a believer in karma. The reason why I try to be…
• It is not the diamonds or the birds, the people or the potatoes; it is not any of the nouns. The miracle is the adverbs,…
• Love is candy from a stranger, but it's candy you've had before and it probably won't kill you.
• Once more, this is love: it rings and you open up unless it looks like an ax murderer.
• This is love if it's not with you, a terrible fiery something that makes people look away, and it feels like a punch in the…
• We laughed the rest of the way, because the point of this story is, it is not the cookies. It is the love.
• I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let…
• We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.
• Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.
• If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an…
• Off with you" is a phrase used by people who lack the curtesy to say something more polite, such as, "if there's nothing else you…
• I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This…

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