Daniel Handler Quotes

495 quotes in 5123 categories

• I liked, I admit, that we didn’t pretend there hadn’t been other girls. There was always a girl on you in the halls at school,…
• The whole thing of what I’ve been trying,” you said, “is that you’re different, and you keep asking about the other girls, but what I…
• To stutter through it with you or even stop stuttering and say nothing, was so lucky and soft, better talk than mile-a-minute with anyone. After…
• Everyone on earth would never starve and forever find love and happiness, since we won, but if we’d lost, they would have gouged out our…
• ...and then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. “Love this song,” Todd said, like it…
• I can see it, Ed, I leaned deeper into you, felt you nodding along with the sounds in the room, and your warmth signaled through…
• Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.
• Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!
• The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with…
• Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.
• Put your hair up, Min. The secret ingredient is not your hair.
• If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or…
• I am so tired, I can hardly type these worfs.
• Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move!…
• If you try to avoid every instance of peer pressure you will end up without any peers whatsoever, and the trick is to succumb to…
• Are you who I think you are?
• A girl meets a boy, Ed, and everything changes, or so she says.
• Desperation is like a spilled drink; even if it's delicious, no one will get near it. Cultivate an aura of glamorous unapproachability.
• Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as…
• I’m not a romantic, I’m a half-wit. Only stupid people would think I’m smart. I’m not something anyone should know. I’m a lunatic wandering around…

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