Aziz Ansari

Yeah, I've been a little down. Totally natural. I'm getting a divorce, but now I'm ready to pull myself up by some…

— Aziz Ansari

Maybe that's why I don't like religion because the first introduction to it was, you don't get to do that thing you…

— Aziz Ansari

With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out,…

— Aziz Ansari

Dude on my flight is watching Men in Black 3, watching with no sound & pretending its a Hitch sequel bout Hitch…

— Aziz Ansari

If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you're feminist, you have to say yes because…

— Aziz Ansari

The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'

— Aziz Ansari

You want what you can't have. And if someone's being shitty to you, just move on. If someone's being shitty to you,…

— Aziz Ansari

Really good comedians, you know, when they go on stage, they don't really care what the audience - they're fearless, you know?…

— Aziz Ansari

It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.

— Aziz Ansari

She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy.…

— Aziz Ansari

I can't think of any bank robbery comedy where it's about two normal guys. It's kind of like Superbad meets Heat, which…

— Aziz Ansari

Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.

— Aziz Ansari

I think when people talk about improvising it turns into this silly thing like, "Oh there's like a hula hoop there and…

— Aziz Ansari

If your job was remotely interesting, there would be a show on A&E about it.

— Aziz Ansari

To be honest, I tend to romanticize the past, and though I appreciate all the conveniences of modern life, sometimes I yearn…

— Aziz Ansari

You can't say your favorite kind of cake is birthday cake, that's like saying your favorite kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.

— Aziz Ansari

I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.

— Aziz Ansari

What if I couldn't read? I wouldn't be able to text my friends movie times or even order cheese biscuits from Red…

— Aziz Ansari

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

— Aziz Ansari

If it's possible, I binge. There are other shows, like 'The Americans' and 'Game of Thrones,' I watch and have to wait…

— Aziz Ansari

It's hard to really get that excited about movies. Think about it like this: how many good comedy movies come out a…

— Aziz Ansari

I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.

— Aziz Ansari

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

— Aziz Ansari

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and…

— Aziz Ansari

I know when someone that's not you tries to tell your story, especially when you don't look like the person whose story…

— Aziz Ansari