All Ambrose Bierce Quotes
- MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner. Asked
- MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious… Ancient
- GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason. Frenchman
- GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone. Advantage
- CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"? Bono
- ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. Ass
- QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually… Another Usually
- FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to… Case
- COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D… B Picks
- PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery. Art
- TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients… African
- REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story… Art
- PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided… Action
- Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire Aspire
- WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her… Binding
- PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood. Adj Belonging
- URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the… All
- PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought. Army
- OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object… Chiefly
- LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in… Bladder
- DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse. Diagnosis
- GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside. Chap
- PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard… Art
- Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season. Account
- Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. Amusing