All Ambrose Bierce Quotes
- Learning -the kind of ignorance affected by (and affecting) civilized races, as distinguished from ignorance, the sort of learning incurred by savages. See nonsense. Affected
- UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian. Denies
- IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary. Affecting
- The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind. Best
- ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in… Bed
- LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it… Best
- RITE, n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it. Carefully
- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke. Joke
- UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith. Advantage
- REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of… Attendant
- LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience. Ear
- KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to… America
- KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland. America
- REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it. Establish
- PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast. Contrast
- GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into… Caucus
- Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers. Bunglers
- When in Rome, do as Rome does. Cities
- USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy… Book
- SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read… Book
- If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they. Accounted
- Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission. Commission
- WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be… Advantage
- OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a… Absence
- NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party. Appointing