Garden Quote by Andy Borowitz

Rick Perry is the perfect candidate for those who thought George W. Bush was just too dang cerebral. And Adios, Mofo is the perfect…

— Paul Begala

I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president.

— Jay Leno

It is literally painful to watch Rick Perry as a candidate.

— James Carville

Rick Perry's an idiot, and I don't think anyone would disagree with that,

— Bruce Bartlett

The case could be made that Rick Perry is the worst debater to ever run for president.

— James Carville

Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.

— Jay Leno

I salute Rick Perry for the way he's trying to overcome this. Today he came out and said he's not one of those slick…

— Craig Ferguson

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

— Kinky Friedman

Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I…

— Bill Maher

Westerners know the difference between a talker and the real deal. If Rick Perry wasn't right to be governor of Texas, why should he…

— Dick Cheney

Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.

— Kinky Friedman

People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on…

— Conan O'Brien