Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
'Moldova: Yes or No?' That's a great app, and we actually used the geo-locator on your phone, so if you are in… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
On 'Late Night,' it's like we're all in on the joke. That's what I wanted it to be. I'm not doing something… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
You can't reinvent the wheel. I remember when we first started out at 'Late Night,' we were trying to hire directors, and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I don't want to admit it, but I do enjoy the feedback from the audience. It's instant feedback. It's like, you could… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
