“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced". I… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“They say you don't know what you don't know until you know that you don't know it.” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Has anybody ever written a horror pop-up book? The center of the book pops up and opens the gate to the elder… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“One of the joys of being a grandparent is giving your grandchild caffeinated sugary drinks late in the day, and sending them… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Bad answers for employment questions: Employer: I see here that you worked for the state for three years. Why did you leave… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“I'll give you something to cry about!! Hell, no need to get up I’m doing a good job of bawling my eyes… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Sat in the Jacuzzi last night looking at the dark recesses of the nozzles. Remembering the story I wrote about spiders nesting… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Neil Leckman I had a friend once that told me when we die and get to the pearly gates we are admitted… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“My oldest son used to say his stomach had angries when he felt sick. I always pictured an all night fight club… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“If you sleep with one eye open are your dreams only half as good as everyone elses?” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Bad questions at employment interviews: "Is your drug test graded on a curve?” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“If I were a candy bar I’d want to be a snicker, because then I’d have the last laugh!!” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“How about a TV show about vampire plastic surgeons called, "Suck and Tuck"?” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wake up and wonder if those chalk outlines they have at murder scenes get together for holiday parties...” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Headstones: What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!" "This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide." "OK, It's not… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“I like to provide American humor for British soccer coaches when possible. During keeper practice I'll offer to stand behind the goal… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“I am open to comments, I accept with with all humility, or at least what I can muster at short notice.” — Neil leckman Copy Share Image
“Overheard vampire conversation. "Is that Ophelia?" "yep" "She doesn't look well" "Ever since she drank from that hemophiliac everything just goes right… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“At a long meeting a man next to me, British I hope, said, "Man, I'd kill for a fag about now" I… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“They kept yelling at me to pay attention during school, since education hasn't panned out for me can I get a refund, or at… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced". I have often… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“If I have multiple personalities will I taste better to a zombie, or is the effort simply wasted? I've talked it over with myself,… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“If I have a pocket fun of rainbows am I an optimist, or a guy with wet pants and really large pockets?” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Yesterday I fell completely off the face of the earth Contemplating life, light and love in the darkness of the void Strangely it was… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL "I can't do that Dave." "Dave's not here, man" "That does not compute. Dave" "No man, Dave isn't here!!"… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“They say you don't know what you don't know until you know that you don't know it.” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“Has anybody ever written a horror pop-up book? The center of the book pops up and opens the gate to the elder gods. Of… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
