If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
You would be amazed by what you can give up, lose, or break, and yet still be a person who gets happy… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
When I first thought of being a writer I had visions of stacks of books in stores with my name on them,… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Each time my mother went psychotic, I hoped it would be the last time. Afterward she would tell me, 'I think that… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
It was like living in a new house. I saw the undersides of tables, walked through the tangle of chair legs. It… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Women smirk at baldness. How adorable would they find it if they began to lose their breasts in their late twenties? If… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Life would be fabric-softener, tuna-salad-on-white, PTA-meeting normal. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
