I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help?… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been… — George Burns Copy Share Image
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. — George Burns Copy Share Image
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. — George Burns Copy Share Image
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the… — George Burns Copy Share Image
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl. — George Burns Copy Share Image
I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do. — George Burns Copy Share Image
Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles. — George Burns Copy Share Image
By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and… — George Burns Copy Share Image
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands. — George Burns Copy Share Image
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to… — George Burns Copy Share Image
![“By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.” quote by George Burns](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/91b/george-burns-2737_age_by-age-93-i-had-shrunk-quite-a-lot-my-ca_165653.jpg)
