When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up. — Albert Brooks Copy Share Image
Thank God for Jerry Springer's show. I thought only black folks were that screwed up until I watched Jerry Springer. — Charles Barkley Copy Share Image
I don't write about anything I don't love even if that love sometimes gets all screwed up and tormented. — Jonathan Lethem Copy Share Image
The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up! — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Those who remember the past tend to get the story really screwed up. — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up. — Jessica Hahn Copy Share Image
I doubt trees are ever told to 'be the screwed-up ninth-grader.' — Laurie Halse Anderson Copy Share Image
People screw up, you know. You shouldn't hold it against them. You shouldn't expect everyone to know everything you're thinking about or… — Laura Dave Copy Share Image
There was something special about being in a strange place, all alone in a mass of people even if you had just… — Louis Sachar Copy Share Image
Okay, look. I get it. You're one of those people who thinks they have to help screwed-up people. Or maybe you're attracted… — Michael Grant Copy Share Image
People focus on the darker female characters in my books, but for every one of those, I can also show you an… — Gillian Flynn Copy Share Image
I think that if someone plays a video game, and then goes out and harms another human being, or themselves because of… — Tim Buckley Copy Share Image
I had a head start in acting. Because of my parents, I had a SAG card, an agent and a recognizable name.… — Mary Crosby Copy Share Image
I wrote this speech thinking this was going to be it. It's not it. You guys went and screwed up my whole… — Kent Hrbek Copy Share Image
Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are… — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
By the way, you guys seriously screwed up just now. (Nero) We know. (They said in unison.) Yeah, well, what you don’t… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
My first big acting performance was in the Marilyn Monroe biography piece, and it required frontal nudity. I talked to Mira Sorvino,… — Ashley Judd Copy Share Image
Mistakes don't scare me or bother me. If I feel like I made the same mistake twice, then I feel like I've… — Garth Brooks Copy Share Image
I'm pretty obsessive-compulsive and I'm very fast. I tend to not write for a long period of time until I can't not… — Adam Rapp Copy Share Image
Who was it in Afghanistan who screwed up in Tora Bora and let bin Laden escape? It was the Bush Administration. Who… — Sidney Blumenthal Copy Share Image
Knowing Lissa missed me hurt almost more than if she'd completely written me off. I'd never wanted to hurt her. Even when… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
The way I understood purgatory - and maybe you've got a different version - but in Chicago in the '70s, the idea… — George Saunders Copy Share Image
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
You may have created my past and screwed up my present, but you have no control over my future. — David Klass Copy Share Image
Given enough time humans will screw up Wikipedia just as they have screwed up everything else, but so far it's not too… — Jimmy Wales Copy Share Image
Over half a million women are raped in this country every year, and only a fraction of them report it because they're… — Mariska Hargitay Copy Share Image
You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everybody's a bit screwed up, you know. You can take it as symptoms of a disorder, or you can take it as… — Jarvis Cocker Copy Share Image
I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
gettimg attached to things is pointless. Thats how things get screwed up.People care to much about everything. Let it go. You'll be… — Nick Burd Copy Share Image
I guess we all have a bad night now and then and really screw up. I listened to our earlier stuff and… — Joe Perry Copy Share Image
Don't be so damn hard on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up. You're not perfect, fine. Learn from it. But don't punish yourself.… — Stephanie Klein Copy Share Image
I think people imagine going back to a time when they knew who they were and they knew what the circumstances were… — Gore Verbinski Copy Share Image
This is a very screwed-up business. Record labels don't sign a lot of bands these days. We just want to find a… — Andy Taylor Copy Share Image
“I mean, you know how it is. You chase a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of Jack Daniel's and life's… — Courtney Summers Copy Share Image
I was lousy in school. Real screwed-up. A moron. I was antisocial and didn't bother with the other kids. A really bad… — Anthony Hopkins Copy Share Image
Anyone can be crazy. That's usually just because there's something screwed up in your wiring, you know? But suicide is a whole… — Michael Thomas Ford Copy Share Image
Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Note to self on waking. Lay off the beer on an empty stomach. This dream is even more screwed up than the… — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
