Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Pope John Paul II's press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
William Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, Who sent for all this ice? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.” — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.” — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
