Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?" — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Abraham Lincoln, who said, A house divided... is a condominium. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Noah's wife, who said to him after 40 days and 40 nights, It's your turn to spread the papers on the floor!… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, Where the hell are the paper cups? Never got a… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never… — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Sonny Von Bulow, who said to her husband Claus on their honeymoon, Stop needling me. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Eve said to the serpent, “You know I could go for a bite to eat, but I don't know you from Adam.” — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons Copy Share Image
