I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
If horses had controlled investment decisions, there would have been no auto industry. — Warren Buffett Copy Share Image
The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark... — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“This is the worst of the bunch. Definitely the smokiest. I don't think they want us to leave," said Montoya. "The ants… — Jason bengtson Copy Share Image
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“Bridget's fiancé keeps giving her late-night booty calls. Although he has to ring at midday so she can get there in time.” — Bridget Golightly Copy Share Image
“Good things come in small packages. Shopping isn't a good thing, so be ready to carry big packages!” — Shubham Choudhary Copy Share Image
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is great at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate and he'd be a chaos president. He would not be… — Renee Montagne Copy Share Image
“Bridget - I like my tea like I like my men. Strong, sweet and dark. Joan - I like my tea like… — Bridget Golightly Copy Share Image
Sometimes it bursts from your imagination fully formed, sometimes you absorb from nonfiction, sometimes you're able to imprint your own autobiographical experiences… — Anthony Marra Copy Share Image
Mike Myers as Austin Powers makes me laugh - that was genius - and Daffy Duck makes me laugh, but I like… — Nicolas Cage Copy Share Image
Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Evangelical agencies with ready funding may have too little depth and vision to cope with the current conflict. God's kingdom is built… — Carl F. H. Henry Copy Share Image
I have hundreds of Word documents filled with pages of one-liners. If I begin to write a story, or if one of… — Chelsea Martin Copy Share Image
I think you often say more by saying less. And interestingly enough, I mean, Jesus really set the standard. I mean, he… — Mark Batterson Copy Share Image
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside. — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
Nietzsche had a little one-liner on how to choose a wife. He said, ''Are you willing to have a conversation with this… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I can't just say the words, do a lot of one-liners. I love each person I play; I have to be that… — Richard Pryor Copy Share Image
He must never forget Charlie's plea: Tell me where I'm going to die, so I'll never go there. — Warren Buffett Copy Share Image
“Bridget reckons John Lennon wrote a song about her. I'm guessing it was 'Give Peace a Chance'.” — Bridget Golightly Copy Share Image
