The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a… — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.' — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a)… — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
