My instinct was always have your gun in your hand. Especially when you are telling somebody to do something. But, in fact, the police academy discourages this. They feel your gun should rarely, if ever, be brought out of its… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“After a horribly long day, I needed a mental break. I threw on my parka, with the raccoon fur around the hood, and I went to see a movie. But what to see? Something sweet and stupid and harmless. At… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
What I really want is to sit next to someone under an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and drink coffee… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
“My worth depended on where exactly the decimal was placed among the zeroes.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
“Bookman isn't a stable man. He has a lot of problems that run very, very deep." But he was really good at giving head.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share
