I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now.' — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus,… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage,… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing. — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
