There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think girls hate each other, no doesn't always mean no, you have to lie to stay married, women's sports are boring… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You can't lie to kids about drugs. They know about drugs. You can't say they're just all bad. They know life is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans have pounced. They're outraged. They say, 'How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
