“Would you agree with the statement: Love is a hamburger? If yes, would you like to add cheese for only 99 cents?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To show you how much I love you, I’d take you to the moon and back. Or try to fake it in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love had a pulse, like a heartbeat, would you find yourself oscillating like an isosceles triangle at the righteousness of a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I want more than a car that goes from Point A to Point B, is a car that stops. I make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I know what is wrong, I know what is right, and most importantly, I know what is left. Nothing is left, now… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Giving up giving up—it’s good for your health. Make love like you just stole it. And remember, always wash your hands after… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The girl I am in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry, or go to Jax beach and party?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The reason it’s hard for men to say “I love you” is because those three words represent 10% of the average man’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is orange, though sometimes it will make you blue. You might see that as depressing, but I see it as a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m nothing. I’m just a humble man in a bumblebee costume trying to pollinate with a woman as romantic as a flower.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a scale of 1-10, I'd probably be considered obese. Though I weigh much more than 10, my love is heavier still.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my father were Cupid, and my mother were Helen Keller, I suppose I probably would subscribe to the notion that “Love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I give you more love, it will only give me more love to give. The more I give, the more I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s a witch in Wichita. As an expert on all things Topeka, I should know. I once made Kansas all night long… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know when I’m going to stop when I start—or start when I stop. That’s why I simply love continuously.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Chuck Yeager of love. You’ll need to wear earplugs when I break the sound barrier of your heart.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A vibrating toothbrush is one hygienic marvel of a sex toy. The next time I want to make love, I’ll make a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a buffalo with butterfly wings, and I’m just the humble man in the jetpack trying to shoot it down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Falling in love should be natural, like the food at Moe’s. Baby, I am so hungry for you, even though I know… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could jump in a small swimming pool or dive in the big ocean, and I’d be equally as wet. So it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love spends more time washing its hands than it does pissing in the kitchen sink. Remember that next time someone locks themself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m the Director of Redundancy. I’m also the Director. I make love like I make love, and that is why I am… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, like glue, is a four-letter word that ends in “e,” only much stickier. And I used to eat it as a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The girl I’m in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry or scream? Or should I make a new… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With friends like me, who needs mannequins? My love for you is statuesque. Come, let us dance like we’re made of stone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather be snorkeling in the sea of love. But instead I’m stuck here, in a fully paid, all-inclusive resort in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry your love like a backpack. I only wish your love had a larger cargo capacity, and had zippers instead of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the bow of love. I’m also the bow of hate. Same spelling, different pronunciations and meanings. Would you like me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a glove, I’d wear it on my foot like a goldfish in a silver mine. Ten dimes is too… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’d be quite absurd to equate a math equation with love. But that is exactly what I’ve done. I’m giving a four-hour… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
