“I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to buy a sports car, because I like riding bicycles. Hold on to my handlebar mustache if you value your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write “I Want” because wanting is one of the things I want most in life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could flush down my fears, but I can’t, because they’d clog up the toilet. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every second is a moment before the unknown. Only the now is known. Life is a continuous known unknown.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My philosophy on life: On a burrito, the cheese goes underneath the sour cream. Otherwise, how will it melt?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to live long enough to accomplish my life. Being me for a whole lifetime will be quite an accomplishment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some events in your life leave a lasting impression. A thing that majorly impacted my life was the car that hit me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part with it. The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t mind politicians lying to me, stealing from me, or senselessly making life difficult if they didn’t try to claim they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, like lightning, can strike anytime. That’s why I say tinfoil is not just for leftovers—it’s for channeling romance into your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The commodity I sell is nonsense. Condiments sold separately. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I dance for a living. At the early bird special you can find me—doing the worm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a John and a hooker, despite the fact that my name’s Jarod. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life was unbalanced. That is, until I found love and grew a second leg.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll wipe a booger on your living room wall, not only to show I was there, but also to say thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Fireworks are SkyFlowers—dandelions of light. They are a visual display of the celebration of life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An ear shaped like a question mark is not receptive to life’s answers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Yes, life could be better. But it could also be worse. Don’t believe me? Allow me introduce you to my mother-in-law.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Getting struck by lightning is like winning the lottery, only it’ll ruin your life faster.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve got semen stains on my shirt, and spaghetti stains on my underwear. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can't put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I'd demand coupons for clones.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll make a name for myself, after I make a copy of myself. The key to a productive life is cloning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is struggle. Poor people struggle to get money, and rich people struggle to keep their money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life’s like brown sugar sprinkled on shit. Sure it tastes great, if you don’t mind the smell.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm not afraid of death, I'm just not sure there is life after the honeymoon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If frogs tasted like chicken, I’d gladly jump in the frying pan. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If you could change War’s name, do you think you’d change its nature?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to import what’s important, and export the trivial out of my life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
