“I want a house with a garage, so someone from the government won’t try to park a tank in my living room.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve spent half my life searching for the truth. The left half of my life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Divorce is the second worst event in a person’s life. The worst event, of course, is marriage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With a last name like Elov, you’d probably have a mixed up love life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I run like I have cirrus clouds for legs and rainbow knees. What is life, if not a marathon of love? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My advice is to just ignore the problem until you’re dead. This could be the quickest solution of your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you're looking to take a long, beautiful drive through life, you might not want to take the cynic view.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To not feel like such a “third wheel,” I rode my tricycle to the restaurant where they were having their first date.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tree once saved my life. A posse was going to hang me, but this wise old oak would not let them.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“So that was how I spent nine months of my life. I felt like I was pregnant, except instead of giving life,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the future, it’ll be my child, but it will be my child’s life, so I must name it not for me,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He played a great part in my life. It was great in that it was a majority of time, but it wasn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I told the tree it was going nowhere in life. It was hurtful, but true. Now, maybe in death it will go… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll try to coax my cat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a symbol for the kind of life I’m trying to build. The question now is, what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Make yourself interesting to history. Master some aspect of life, and then find a different area and do something crazy. Become a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The living have love for the dead, but the dead have no love for the living. I ought to know, because I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The window of life is mirrored. And tinted. And shattered. And borrowed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I make love, I make a difference in at least one person’s life. (Limit one per purchase.)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is is, while death is isn’t. Isn’t that also what you believe? Or is it what you believe?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to express my condolences. I’m sorry to have to tell you I’m sorry, but that’s life, you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My next breath may very well be in your lungs. Store it wisely, because my life depends on it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I live my life according to a code. You might know it by the surname Morse.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Not to be conceited, but I think I made a real impact on her life. And I was only driving 45 mph… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be like air. Invisible, yet everybody needs me in their life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Death is the only equality guaranteed in life. A poor man will die just as surely as a rich man.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Fireworks are SkyFlowers—dandelions of light. They are a visual display of the celebration of life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An ear shaped like a question mark is not receptive to life’s answers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
