“If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a politician because I like the idea of public service. Come on, who wouldn’t want all the people… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would tell you I hope you find what you seek in life, but your problem is you’re not looking. The only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m going to spend a lifetime being me, so I’d better like who I am as a person. My clone better like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The ultimate gift is the gift of life. Please, accept this jug of semen as a present from me to you. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Before the blue of night meets the pink of sunrise, there is a transition of lavender. It's a gradient of color that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If love existed an octave above where your vocal range ended, would you buy a dog whistle to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He was born after me, and he died before me. I gave him life, and I killed him. He was an idea,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What if dating apps are mostly populated by Deep Fakes, designed to get you to waste your life swiping right and keep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My coffee gets increasingly better the more I drink and the closer I come to the bottom of the cup, where all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business, and I sold icy roads for a living. You didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people live life backwards. They party and kill time in their youth, when they’re strong and have the energy to accomplish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a single drop of blood trying to mix in with billions of red paint splatters in this Pollack painting called… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You are going to lose your home, your spouse, your life, and all at once, when you die. So why not drink… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could have murdered a man today, but by not doing so I saved his life, and thus became a hero to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The car wash sign said, “Free Vacuums.” So I told them I wanted a high-powered Dyson. I figured it’d be a good… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You need skills to be good at homesteading. You need farming, carpentry, and above all, you need to be able to impersonate… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not blanketing the truth when I say: Give a man a brick, and he’ll fish for a day. But give a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a yes, and a blanket could be a no. Make your life so positive that you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without jelly? Or a baseball game on TV and changing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s only two years younger, but that doesn’t mean I’m not old enough to be his father. I grew up fast. Ah,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were king, I wouldn’t pay you the money I owe you. I’d give you a far more valuable gift: the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m itching for battle—with a mosquito bite. The only thing in life I’ll scratch at more is the need to be loved.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Having a good life doesn’t mean nothing bad happens. It means using sadness and setback as mechanisms for spiritual growth. That’s the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to do something for a living that when it comes time to retire and I can stop doing it, I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I was two, a year was half of my life. It must have felt like forever. But when I’m 99, a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
