Jokes Quotes · Page 59

I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it.

— Pedro Almodovar

How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦.. with Duct Tape :)

— Punkinhead Abhishek

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

— Richard Russo

Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

— Gabriel Iglesias

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

Humor is an attitude, a survivor’s way of looking at life. It’s not about telling jokes.

— Michael Shurtleff

There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke.

— Adam McKay

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not as serious of a person as people make me out to be. Most people would think that I would be…

— T.I

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us…

— Robert Benchley

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the…

— Dane Cook

I remember, growing up, if something big - God forbid - happened, the first jokes you heard on the subject came out…

— Oscar Nunez

I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I…

— Mitch Hedberg

He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're…

— Raven-Symone

I've never considered stand-up. Luckily I'm given great lines to say. I'm not sure how great my timing would be if I…

— Emma Caulfield

My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and…

— Anonymous

“If you ever care to see how all the world’s most awful jokes spread, spend a day on a bond trading desk.…

— Michael Lewis

If God gives you (or makes you) a joke, what are you meant to do in response? (Receive it. Laugh.) If God…

— N.D. Wilson

There's nothing like being in fashion. A man that has once got his character up for a wit is always sure of…

— Washington Irving

I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My…

— John Cho

Is there any other democracy where the voters are as spoiled as they are in the United States? Especially, of course, in…

— Michael Kinsley

I have this natural thing in my head that when I sit down to write something serious, I tend to make jokes.…

— Justin Simien

You don't need any courage today in Germany to make a movie about the Nazi time. You get all the subsidies, you…

— Uwe Boll

I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I want to move around. In fact, it's hard for me…

— Chris D'Elia

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

— Mark Twain

Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?

— Michael De Leon

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

— Anonymous

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.

— Adrian Edmondson

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

— Martin Short

I make terrible jokes every time I go into a hospital. I think it's a defence mechanism.

— Sanjeev Bhaskar

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

— Steve Harvey

Three men walk into a bar. You think the third one would of seen it.

— Anonymous

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.

— Mike Myers

My greatest regret as a writer is that I've never been able to include as many jokes as I'd like.

— Robert Harris

As reporters in State College, there was a joke. We used to call Penn State, the Kremlin.

— Rodney Erickson

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

— Jay Mohr

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

— Robert Paul