Jokes Quotes · Page 58

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried...but they wanted cash.

— Anonymous

You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher.

— Nikhil Saluja

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a fruit punch was a gay boxer

— Anonymous

I would make jokes about my height so that no one would first.

— Ava Michelle

Visual supervision is a joke for development workers. Visual supervision is for prisoners.

— Tom DeMarco

I do like a well-written sketch with a bunch of jokes in it, and I like stand-up with good jokes in it…

— Lenny Henry

Hey here is a Bird Donkey pilot just sit and close your belt!

— MHDAVOODI

I'm more of an older school comedian so Tommy Davidson still makes me laugh a lot no matter how many times I've…

— Joe Torry

There was a duck and so the duck walked to the side of the road and out behind a bush came a…

— Shayla

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke…

— Garrison Keillor

I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

— Thom Yorke

I am sitting here looking at the most amazing person I have ever seen, smart, funny, caring, and absolutely stunning! Yes, I…

— Ash Sweeney

Would like to join me? (Astrid) I think I’d look strange in a bikini. (Zarek) Was that a joke? Can it be…

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

Many gamblers think they're being singled out by fate as a target for cruel jokes. They feel they alone in all the…

— Mike Caro

I do wear wigs. ... I sometimes make the joke about me standing on a hilltop with my hair blowing in the…

— Dolly Parton

Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a…

— Walter Cronkite

When two terms belong to the same category, it is proper to construct conjunctive propositions embodying them. Thus a purchaser may say…

— Gilbert Ryle

Even where the game is today, cats don't really focus on necessarily what it is that you're saying so when people say,…

— Nick Cannon

It's a joke. Greed and the desire to take drugs are two separate things. If you want to separate the two, the…

— Jerry Garcia

I'd heard of Evergreen Care Center before. Cass and I had always made fun of the stupid ads they ran on TV,…

— Sarah Dessen

Nothing comes easy. I know that people joke all the time and try to figure out, you know, what it is that…

— Kim Kardashian

This word gets overused in describing actors but I think it applies to Mike [Tyson] in this case - he was totally…

— Ed Helms

I love humor in writing, so I've written to the thing that's funny, there's the joke, but then I just kept going.…

— Jess Walter

I'd be a great mattress salesman coz I love removing pants for no reason and spending all day looking at porn.

— Nikhil Saluja

Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

— Jimmy Fallon

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

— Nikhil Saluja

I farted in the apple store and everyone got mad but it wasn't my fault they don't have Windows.

— Ramandeep Singh

Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about.

— Alexander Ovechkin

I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.

— Daniel Tosh

“Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Is that a joke? Please tell me you're joking. -Sophie I never joke about carnivorous bunnies. -Luca

— Rachel Vincent

Most people don't realize their opinion is irrelevant as fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

— Nikhil Saluja

The Grand Old Duke of York He had ten thousand men. His case comes up next week.

— Spike Milligan

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

— Anonymous

I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard.

— Red Skelton

Last night I called this girl. SLUT in public & now she is charging me double for sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hmm. I'm still not very good at algebra. I just can't figure out Y.

— Anonymous

Laughing at your own joke so hard that you can barely tell it.

— Anonymous