Jokes Quotes · Page 56

I may become like an Indian thatha but I won't stop making jokes.

— Vivek

I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.

— Dick Gregory

A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair.

— Anonymous

Why women don't blink during foreplay... not enough time.

— Joan Rivers

The only reason Why people going to watch Titanic 3D is Because of The Painting scene…

— Pacifiersucker

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

— Bob Hope

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

— Gregory David Roberts

I always joke around with my parents and say that if Hollywood doesn't work out I'll go to Broadway!

— Claudia Lee

I've always been into leopard print. No joke, when I was 14 years old I wanted my entire room to be covered…

— Kim Kardashian

What is a sense of humor? Surely not the ability to understand a joke. It comes rather from a residing feeling of…

— Clifton Fadiman

Any so-called leader who does not take this issue (climate change) seriously or treats it like a joke is not fit to…

— Barack Obama

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

— Johnny Carson

She had something down there twice as big as mine. That's why I say you better watch where you stroke, cause it…

— Gary B.B. Coleman

If you want something to be done you got to do it for yourself is not an excuse to master bate some…

— Mathew Brakett

At the same time, we can't blame comedians for taking time to learn. Any critic of comedy who believes that he has…

— Guy Branum

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university…

— Jasper Fforde

I have to say that The Simpsons comes from a huge number of great writers headed by Al Jean, the show-runner, and…

— Matt Groening

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and…

— Anonymous

A lot of the turning points happen in high school and in college, and it defines a lot of how you see…

— Judd Apatow

“I am not perfect, but if I looked perfect to everyone I must have been rocking imperfect perfectly to a few imperfect…

— Shannon L. Alder

I made this bad joke on Twitter saying, "I want to put in my first no-bid contract to train the Libyan army…

— Michael Hastings

[Revealing character] can't be done by pushing the person into position or arranging his head at a certain angle. It must be…

— Philippe Halsman

Worship isn't destructive, Martin. I know that. I don't. I only know it's the core of his life. What else has he…

— Peter Shaffer

So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is…

— Aziz Ansari

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

— Dov Davidoff

I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one.

— Joey McIntyre

Mayorga tells a lot of jokes and stories, but he always comes up short.

— Shane Mosley

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

— Allan Sloan

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Art should be serious, not a joke. I dont like to laugh about art.

— Gerhard Richter

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

— Anonymous

That sun is lookin' good... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome.

— Tom Bergeron

They say that life is too short, I just wonder who took the measurements.

— Paballo Nhambiri

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

— Olivia Munn

People don't buy a new detergent because the manufacturer told a joke on television last night.

— David Ogilvy

It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.

— Sarah Silverman

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

He who jokes in the executioners face can be destroyed, but never defeated.

— Tom Robbins

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

— W. Kamau Bell

I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession.

— Anonymous