Jokes Quotes · Page 57

There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious. It is too good to waste on jokes.

— Anonymous

Televison allows thousands of people to laugh at the same joke and still remain alone.

— Bertrand Russell

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

— Bill Bailey

“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

— Roseanne Barr

I did see the Soul Train picture. That was interesting. I've heard all the jokes. I had it coming.

— Mike Tomlin

“Jokes are powerful like that, they can be both inclusive and exclusive. Can create both an Us and a Them.”

— Fredrik Backman

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake...After three days of pain and agony…the rattle snake died.

— Anonymous

I'm against eating a human being alive - I don't do it. Somebody might make cannibalism jokes and laugh it off like…

— John Maus

I think when people watch a lot of artists, they're expecting this showiness, and I'm cracking jokes with people. I'm heckling back.…

— Caitlin Rose

I'd worked with Marlon [Brando] a couple of times, and he was a practical joker. He was far more interested in getting…

— Johnny Depp

Zen people love Buddha so tremendously that they can even play jokes upon him. It is out of great love; they are…

— Rajneesh

“Most unintelligent or foolish people do not regard themselves as that; they regard themselves as not-that-intelligent or not-that-wise.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from…

— Alan Moore

I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and…

— Aaron McGruder

Lying contains the same hostile elements as a practical joke in that the 'victim' ends up looking foolish in his own eyes…

— Sue Grafton

In order to surprise her husband, the wife of a company executive decided to stop by her husband's office. On entering the…

— Horla

He'd assumed that you went to school because you had to learn things, starting off with the easy stuff and moving on…

— Mary Lawson

One of the interesting things about Twitter is looking how famous people choose to use it. Take someone like Steve Martin, who…

— Rob Lowe

As a child of the 1970s, I couldn't hold a narrative in my head; I was lucky if I could hold a…

— Chuck Palahniuk

The wrong kind of guy to fall in love with is the guy who will let go of the steering wheel as…

— An Na

“Orlando had a Pinto, a car that hadn't been in existence for thirty-plus years. He still hadn't figured out why a strong,…

— Rose Wynters

I really like the animated film process. It's kind of like doing a play, because you can experiment with it, rewrite it,…

— Steve Martin

I said it, just like that. No stupid jokes, no changing the subject. For once, I wasn't embarrassed, because it was the…

— Kami Garcia

a short cut to matrimonial unhappiness is not to have the same taste in jokes!

— Margaret Deland

Want to hear the joke about the vacuum? Nevermind...It sucks.

— Anonymous

“How do jokes work? The beginning of each good one challenges you to think.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

Cubans joke and satirize everything that life gives them, and I think that's a positive characteristic.

— Fernando Perez

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

— Anonymous

The shouting and opinion and jokes don't exist if there isn't first a story.

— Jim Lehrer

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

— Sam Kinison

If I want to keep working as an actor, I'm going to become a comedian who does fart jokes.

— Peter Sarsgaard

Please GOD if you cant make me slim, make my friends fat.

— Anonymous

Growing up, the one thing I noticed was that everyone seemed to laugh at my jokes wherever I went.

— Lil Dicky

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.

— A. P. Herbert

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

Michael Jackson was a joker to his core. He loved a good joke especially if it's displayed on somebody else.

— Siedah Garrett

The fastest way to make your own Anti-freeze is to hide her nightgown.

— Anonymous

The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

— Allen Toussaint

You ask me fish ball, I give you fish bowl; sorry, I'm deaf

— Anonymous