The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor. — Samuel Taylor Coleridge Copy Share Image
“Sorry, I didn't see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?” — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. — Richard Lewis Copy Share Image
“Apollo wanted out. Out of Aphrodite, out of this bathroom, out of this house, and out of this life.” — Marie Phillips Copy Share Image
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service. — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful… — Karl Marx Copy Share Image
Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“My life is a plate of perfectly edible but ordinary scrambled eggs. I want them savory, creamy, cheesy and maybe with bacon… — Varsha Bajaj Copy Share Image
Bargaining is a repulsive habit; compromise is one of the highest human virtues - the difference between the two being that the… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I was always humorous by nature but, maybe, no one noticed it. Or, maybe, I looked just too intense or serious to… — Abhinav Bindra Copy Share Image
Selfish men make the best lovers. They're prepared to invest in the women's pleasures so that they can collect an even bigger… — J. G. Ballard Copy Share Image
“Spider or gum? Spider or gum? I thought quickly trying to come up with a believable excuse when I blurted out, “I… — Melissa Aragon Copy Share Image
“I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.” — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
Well, I would - if they realized that we - again if - if we led them back to that stalemate only… — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
“I turned on the television and watched a movie about a girl who’d fallen in love with both a vampire and a… — Kristen Middleton Copy Share Image
Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Kissing Red must've killed off some of your brain cells," Ryder decided. "You can tell a woman what to do---if you play… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue,… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
“The first thing they would do would be to open my mouth and extract the soggy ball of my handkerchief, and as… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
There's a lot of different ways that a song would be a challenge to parody. There are a lot of songs that… — Al Yankovic Copy Share Image
