A wise man once told me, no matter how HOT she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It is a mistake," Labruyère tells us, "to be in love without an ample fortune.” — Marcel Proust Copy Share Image
I'd rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort. — J. Paul Getty Copy Share Image
If I could out run the Angel of Death I'd probably die from lack of breath! — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
“ELVIS & MARILYN: The deader they get - the more money they make.” — Chocolate Waters Copy Share Image
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. — William S. Paley Copy Share Image
I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end. — Fred Couples Copy Share Image
“It was possible that he was making some progress in his mental health condition by seeing me.” — Holly Goldberg Sloan Copy Share Image
“Here's my using dickwad in a sentence. Greg is such a dickwad, he locks his car in the Pagoda Pizza parking lot.… — A.S. King Copy Share Image
“He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does… — Dianna Hardy Copy Share Image
To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are… — Michael Shurtleff Copy Share Image
Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I just can't fathom why anyone would stand on a ledge when there's a respectable amount of walking space right next to… — Stephanie Perkins Copy Share Image
Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“My life is a plate of perfectly edible but ordinary scrambled eggs. I want them savory, creamy, cheesy and maybe with bacon… — Varsha Bajaj Copy Share Image
“The beauty of the ultrasound scan is something that only parents can appreciate, but Emma had seen these things before and knew… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
“What's your name?" "What?" I asked, squinting at the light. "Your name." I recognized Dr. Olendzki peering over me. "You know my… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“I'm hoping you end up happily married to the man of your dreams and have a hoard of beautiful kids that'll keep… — Dianna Hardy Copy Share Image
“He may wear what he likes in the future, for I shall never drive with him again. His conduct was shocking. When… — George Grossmith Copy Share Image
In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it or you don't.… — Heinrich Böll Copy Share Image
“One of the fundamental axioms of masculine self-regard is that the tools and appurtenances of a man's life must be containable within… — Michael Chabon Copy Share Image
“What do you mean, is that it? I just saved his career and the CIA from ruin and he calls me a… — Misty Evans Copy Share Image
“Damn there were days being a woman confused the hell out of her.- Aella” — Eve Langlais Copy Share Image
“I can't get her pregnant! I'm just thirteen. You have to be a man to get a girl pregnant.” — Scylar Tyberius Copy Share Image
John Connally's conversion to the GOP raised the intellectual level of both parties. — Frank Mankiewicz Copy Share Image
“Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.” — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
“When dreaming is better than reality we're living What's the sense of waking up in a nightmare?” — Joshua Natad Copy Share Image
The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor. — Samuel Taylor Coleridge Copy Share Image
“Apollo wanted out. Out of Aphrodite, out of this bathroom, out of this house, and out of this life.” — Marie Phillips Copy Share Image
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. — Richard Lewis Copy Share Image
“Sorry, I didn't see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?” — Julie Kagawa Copy Share Image
The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service. — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
