“One thing I have to give Christians; were it not for Sunday, every day of the week would be a workday.” — Lex Allen Copy Share Image
“Throughout life try to remember...to always keep your head up high and your middle finger higher!” — Timothy Pina Copy Share Image
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding. — Abraham Kaplan Copy Share Image
“Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!” — Tourettes Guy Copy Share Image
I consider myself a bit of a comedian. I write a lot of humorous songs. — Brad Paisley Copy Share Image
Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate. — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
“Toddlers are germ-warfare machines in a cute package" - Debora Geary” — Debora Geary Copy Share Image
“Be generous with your smile and try not to frown. And you will see my children; your smile will never let you… — Benny Bellamacina Copy Share Image
“That?" I glanced back to the door where JT had disappeared. "That was Genus Homo, species Whowantstofuckus , subspecies Closeted Headup Hisassia… — Z.A. Maxfield Copy Share Image
I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Hand-to-hand combat with three hundred pounds of screaming monkey menace is not my idea of a fair fight. My idea of a… — Dean Koontz Copy Share Image
My point here, young couples, is that baby-having is extremely serious business, and you probably don't have the vaguest idea what you're… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thery're both iron, isn't that funny?" "Funny haha or funny strange?" James handed them back to me "Funny 'occult'" "Ah. Funny strange"… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“The first impressions with the ashram people are these sparkling interior experiences. The eyeballs can be peepholes into the Milky Way and beyond.… — Tom Hillman Copy Share Image
An unsophisticated forecaster uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than for illumination. — Andrew Lang Copy Share Image
“The one that sang, old Janine, was always whispering into the g***** microphone before she sang. She'd say, 'And now we like… — J.D. Salinger Copy Share Image
Considering that "literary fiction" is a sub-genre that's not quite the same as "literature," either, it follows that the short, semi-humorous bits… — Lee Klein Copy Share Image
While I would agree that I write about serious subjects, and that they're not necessarily the most pleasant subjects or even the… — Ann Beattie Copy Share Image
“Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“As the boat filled and capsized, the aluminum boom flew across the cockpit and hit the side of Tiger’s head. The world… — Grahame Shannon Copy Share Image
A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
It is considered in England and the United States that the Government of South Africa is altogether too harsh with its native… — L. Ron Hubbard Copy Share Image
“Are you certain they never cut your member off?" Tormund gave a shrug, as if to say he would never understand such… — George R.R. Martin Copy Share Image
