Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
“Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.” — Nicole Christie Copy Share Image
“From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin.” — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!” — C.C. Alma Copy Share Image
“If you were an animal, what would you be?" I wrote, "A bumblebee trying to fuck a marble.” — Wells Tower Copy Share Image
“One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.” — Joyce Rachelle Copy Share Image
“The jukebox played some hillbilly tune; steel guitar and emotion-choked moaning...” — Philip K. Dick Copy Share Image
In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their… — Cynthia Heimel Copy Share Image
“...but as his father used to say when he had a few drinks taken, you couldn't expect bloody miracles when you were… — Joseph O'Connor Copy Share Image
“The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I want to be one of those people who does yoga & eats berries for breakfast, but I'm one of those people… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
“When I was born, I was almost fourteen years old. That's why I was able to understand more easily than most what… — Eugene Ionesco Copy Share Image
“He would not object, he said, to accepting a post as a librarian. But as Cecilia was unable to imagine that her… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough… — Arthur C. Clarke Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“Mr Kingsley begins then by exclaiming- 'O the chicanery, the wholesale fraud, the vile hypocrisy, the conscience-killing tyranny of Rome! We have… — John Henry Newman Copy Share Image
“McG: 11:39 PM: Tease. A: Bushy prehistoric looking veggies frighten me. Lilliana: 11:41 PM: WTH are we talking about here? McG: 11:42… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
Sex in the nineties is boring. The problem is that it has gone from an active act to a spectator sport. We… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never… — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
