If you love something let it go,If it comes back to you its your,If it doesnt ,it never was. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Faced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Guys getting in shape before joining an exercise class was not unlike the thing women do when they clean up before the… — Robert Lynn Asprin Copy Share Image
“I hate you. I hate you so much I hope you get a severe allergic reaction to chocolate and sex.” — Eden Butler Copy Share Image
“You must be a blast on long car rides.” “Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in… — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
“Hm. Didn’t you use to be a lot smaller?” “Yes,” said Jinx. “Because I used to be six.” — Sage Blackwood Copy Share Image
“He’s not wearing…” Charlotte began. “I know. He doesn’t,” Lydia answered.” — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry! — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
“Russell?” “Yeah! You got my back now?” Russell asks in a sour tone, looking over the railing from the tower above. “’Cuz… — Amy A. Bartol Copy Share Image
“Mothering Oxymoron: Reminding the kids to not talk with food in their mouths, yet I have food in my mouth while trying… — Mommy Moo Moo Copy Share Image
“Really? Okay, let’s roll.” I didn’t want to learn to drive in his beast of a vehicle, but I wasn’t going to… — Elle Klass Copy Share Image
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I have a dark sense of humor, so I definitely like to work on stuff like that. I do enjoy working in… — Fiona Gubelmann Copy Share Image
“How old is he, Uncle?” “Young whipper-snapper, just twenty-three.” Twenty-three! He’d never die off. The town would vote for him and then… — Anne Garboczi Evans Copy Share Image
I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
“Take my advice,” Victor said and Nate’s eyes shifted to him again, “get the girl pregnant. It worked for me with Laura.”… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
So what if microwaving my food might kill me. At least I'll eat fast and die young... — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
“True sense of humour and true, deep happiness never depend on the after effects of destructive vices” — Angelica Hopes Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“your humour, madam, Gives any and everyone too easy access Into your heart. You have too many lovers Besieging you—a thing I… — Molière Copy Share Image
“I think that's my new band name," Shane said. "Asshat and Nerd Girlfriend. It's got a ring to it.” — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
“If I keep sampling the goods like this my ass is going to grow another cheek to make room for all the… — Tara Sivec Copy Share Image
“Sometimes We Think So much That We Forget That We Are Talking To Ourself” — Karan BG Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog.” — Amy Summers Copy Share Image
“Dresses won't worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
“It does no good to bark at the television, I said. I’ve tried it too. So he stopped.” — Mary Oliver Copy Share Image
“May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.” — Daniel Handler Copy Share Image
I've never been with a woman that said. And how does that make you feel that wasn't holding a clip board. — Stanley Victor Paskavich Copy Share Image
“You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do.” — Norton Juster Copy Share Image
In Beautiful, Mr. Shearer writes with humor and has fun with some of the glorious nonsense of Lamarr's movies. — Jeanine Basinger Copy Share Image
Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you." — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
“Human ties are the greatest distorters of reality because they tend to conceal man’s worst selfish instincts.” — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
We're taking part in a divine comedy and we should realise that the play is always a comedy, in that we're all… — Max Hastings Copy Share Image
“We can't predict what's going to happen, but having love is worth the risk.” — Nina Crespo Copy Share Image
A joke was not a single-use item but something you brought out again and again until it fell apart in your hand… — David Nicholls Copy Share Image
I trained in Shakespeare, and that's all comedy, even when it's tragedy. — Olivia Thirlby Copy Share Image
“If I had seen pictures of people eating each other on the wall, I would've told him I was into cannibalism.” — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“You're not celibate, then?" I breathe. Amusement lights up his eyes. "No, Anastasia, I'm not celibate.” — E.L. James Copy Share Image
“Newton screamed when he felt them begin to crawl over his scrotum and try to wiggle between his buttocks” — Jonathan Maberry Copy Share Image
