Humor Quotes · Page 439

“Jason straightened his shirt. “What’s ‘chauvinistic’ mean?” “It’s in the dictionary next to a picture of your father,” muttered Kyle.”

— Kathleen Peacock

“You know you’re dealing with a numpty when her saving grace is that she didn’t help to cover up a murder.”

— Rosen Trevithick

A lot of my early pictures are, I think, quite funny. And these days I tend to look for comedy more and…

— Helen Levitt

I always loved acting and improv and sketch comedy and theater, which I did at a local youth theater.

— Emma Stone

“A brick could create a clear winner in a fight if instead of fighting pillows against blankets, you fought bricks against blankets.”

— Amy Riekhof

The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.

— Nikhil Saluja

“You've got drama too?' 'Doesn't everyone?' 'A side effect of breathing, I guess.”

— Kylie Scott

“Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est. (Applaud, my friends, the comedy is over.) [ Said on his deathbed ]”

— Ludwig van Beethoven

“What?" The dread in her tone told Rob she knew what. "How much longer?" "Thirty seconds." She laughed with a panicked urgency.…

— Will McIntosh

“Why do you think, A.J.," they say in unison, "that you find these boys so attractive?" I didn't say that this fiery…

— Joan Bauer

“By the standards of a tourist strolling past looking for a quick lunch, the place was a dive. The sign on the…

— Scott B. Pruden

“Do you want me to beat the shit outta him when we get there?” Tate asked, sounding serious and I blinked at…

— Kristen Ashley

“Great," I groaned when I finally understood what he was telling me. "You're saying I'm a supernatural and I'm still the most…

— Kelly Oram

“You see I've been taking these tests to tell when I'm ovulating and when I'm mostfertile. And well...it's now." "Oh, so you…

— Katie Ashley

Some people are brilliant at being comedy actors and if you're a comedian I think there's a perception that, if you're acting…

— John Bishop

“Been a pleasure, Don Gato. Have a sexy evening.” The cat looked dryly at him before hopping down to the floor and…

— Claire Cray

“When I dreamed about becoming a fantasy adventurer, I was always a max-level character with epic gear. Look at me. I’m wearing…

— Noelle Alladania Meade

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

— George Carlin

“Use humor as aggressively as chemo. Laugh until your hair falls out. There is nothing that can’t be played for a laugh.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

— Kristen Schaal

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't…

— Frankie Boyle

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

— Chic Murray

“If I got a paper cut, that’s a tragedy. If you fell down an open manhole and died, that's comedy.”

— Woody Allen

Wayne's World' is my all time favorite comedy. I used to watch it on VHS on repeat with my brother when I…

— James Lafferty

I think that's important to women in comedy, that we get a lot of the good lines and you're not just the…

— Sharon Horgan

The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says it tastes just like regular Dr. Pepper. Well, then they screwed up!

— Mitch Hedberg

“INSTEAD, I ASK MYSELF, "WHAT WOULD SOME KICK-*ss COOL PERSON DO?" AND THEN I DO A 27%-LESS-COOL VERSION OF THAT.”

— DALYA MOON

“I may not always walk the straight and narrow, but I cross it as often as I can.”

— J. Golden Kimball

“... and her voice cut through the noise like a scythe through a poodle.”

— Daniel O'Malley

Animation is very similar to sketch comedy: you have a short amount of time to do something big and ridiculous and funny.

— Alex Borstein

“Everything is 'just a story'. Tragedy, comedy, end of the world, what ever it's just a story. What matters is making sure…

— Mira Grant

I think comedy is where I feel very silly, confident, and really can't expose too much of my sensitive side.

— Melissa Villasenor

“ And like a good neighbor, Alpha Centauri is there.” Touched by an Alien”

— Gini Koch

I always think of comedy as being spontaneous, and yet everything about filmmaking is not spontaneous.

— Eddie Redmayne

What a father says to his children is not heard by the world, but it will be heard by posterity.

— Jean Paul

In arguing one should meet serious pleading with humor, and humor with serious pleading.

— Oliver Goldsmith

The President has a wonderful sense of humor, which is one of the reasons it is so much fun to work for…

— Karen Hughes

Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!

— Chris Rock

“Just think of it as a picnic with guns and monsters instead of mosquitoes and ants. Do we have fun or what?”

— Laurence Yep

“Where is Polonius? - In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other…

— William Shakespeare