Humor Quotes · Page 332

“Good, he did not have enough imagination to become a mathematician. [Upon hearing that one of his students had dropped out to…

— David Hilbert

I didn't have a plan B. I didn't have anywhere else to turn but comedy, so I had to stick with it.

— Esther Povitsky

We know, on the authority of Moses, that longer than six thousand years the world did not exist.

— Martin Luther

“Kneel before the king, Griff.” I look around for the king. “Me, asshole. I’m the king. Who else would be the king?…

— Adam Silvera

I'm not a particularly dark individual. I have my moments, it's true, but I do have a sense of humor.

— Alan Moore

“If the self-help books worked, it would be a shrinking industry not a growing one.”

— Steve Maraboli

“What? Why are you making the glee nose? The death of my world is funny? The final vengeance of my people? I…

— Jackson Lanzing

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

— George Carlin

A strong sense of humor, a really awesome personality, and maturity is also really important in a boyfriend. I tend to only…

— Elizabeth Gillies

What I would love to do is more telly comedy. I did a tiny bit in 'Toast of London' and was in…

— Sheila Hancock

“You are in a melancholy humour, and fancy that any one unlike yourself must be happy. But remember that the pain of…

— Jane Austen

“I would be the first to admit that I drew attention to my chest since, being so short, I need to give…

— Meredith Schorr

“My god, I sound like a chick. I must be suffering the debilitating condition called DIC, Dick In Charge, since obviously he's…

— Katelin LaMontagne

When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking…

— Dave Barry

I'd done light comedy. In some quarters, About Last Night... is a romantic comedy. So it wasn't like I'd been doing Sophie's…

— Rob Lowe

I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very…

— Ian MacKaye

The things I talk about in my comedy are my experiences. I just do what I know.

— Bill Bellamy

I don't see how we can allow public dollars to fund programs where spite and hate is the core of the message.

— George W. Bush

I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old.

— Demetri Martin

“When I'm not working, it does. You turning Jack on?' 'God, what a revolting thought.”

— Keri Arthur

I don't believe in acting teachers for me, so it's God's joke that he gave me a best friend who's an acting…

— Laurence Fishburne

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

— Mark Twain

“Hold the bottle up to the light; you will see your dreams are always at the bottom.”

— Rob Hutchison

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.

— Anonymous

I am a stage actor. I do mostly improv comedy. The only national television stuff is 'Archer' and' Frisky Dingo.'

— Amber Nash

Rock Hudson wasn't my type. He's a great guy and had a great sense of humor.

— Tab Hunter

A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

— Chic Murray

“My brain is full of bullshit but I always try to sort it out into humor.”

— Anonymous

“You have a better chance getting a crack at undead pussy than the real, live thing.” – character quote”

— Andrew Cormier

I think my goal was just to do comedy, honestly. It still is. Whatever form that took or takes, it doesn't matter.

— Nick Kroll

Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?

— Dylan Moran

“A las personas mayores de 40 años no deberían permitirles tener novias o novios. Deberían tener amigos, nada mas.”

— Shana Norris

“What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.”

— Anonymous

“We’ve come here to totally individualize, and yet, we're totally connected to everyone else. How does that work?”

— Art Hochberg

Anytime there's originality and comedy combined, it's very potent for people who love comedy.

— Martin Short

If you're going to do a romantic comedy it was about housing it in something that we haven't seen before.

— George Clooney

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each others hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves…

— Anonymous

“The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat muffins.”

— Jill Shalvis

Catherine Tate was a proven comedy actress from a comedy background with great taste. I knew her work, and was an incredible…

— Paul Lieberstein

“A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.”

— Amy Riekhof