Humor Quotes · Page 333

I feel like I share a great relationship with my audience where they trust my judgment and choice of films and sense…

— Vir Das

“It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.”

— George Carlin

“This coming from the god who zinged Guinevere and Lancelot while King Arthur was away slaying dragons.”

— Tai Odunsi

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.

— Paul Merton

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

— Mark Twain

God displayed a sense of humor when he configured the region between our legs an entertainment complex built around a sewage system.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson

I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer,…

— Scott Aukerman

“A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club.”

— Stephen King

“In other words, paradoxically, loners are the truth philanthropists. Loving nothing is equivalent to loving everything. Damn, it's only a matter of…

— Wataru Watari

“Destiny, you need to learn something. Rules are made to be broken.” My mouth almost unhinged itself from sheer disbelief. “Hannah, we…

— Cindy Ray Hale

It's interesting, once I have convinced people that, yes, I have a sister with a mental disability, the retard jokes really dry…

— Bonnie McFarlane

A vile and overbearing temper becomes sometimes, in one long accustomed to the exercise of power, unendurable to those who are subject…

— Samuel Freeman Miller

But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the…

— Dave Barry

Sometimes, songs spill out of you very fast, and sometimes you have to wrangle them to the floor. But the same thing…

— Harry Shearer

“Her tears fell abundantly—but her grief was so truly artless, that no dignity could have made it more respectable in Emma's eyes—and…

— Jane Austen

“If trailing along with me is boring you,” she said, “you could go check on Books and Maldynado in the real estate…

— Lindsay Buroker

Bringing humor and bringing happiness and joy to an audience is a wonderful opportunity in life, believe me.

— Angela Lansbury

“My eyelids felt like had tiny but chubby sleep faeries hanging on the lashes and pulling them closed”

— John Corwin

I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.

— John Cleese

“Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, "Quit eating us," and sharks are like, "Stop smiling all the time, you…

— Dan Florence

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.

— Amy Schumer

“The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification”

— Josh Stern

“The light at the end of the tunnel is another train heading straight for you.”

— Joey Green

“Sorry," she said. "I have a psychological disorder that prevents me from keeping thoughts inside my head where they belong. ”

— Jeri Smith-Ready

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

— Groucho Marx

Don't love someone because you have sex with them. Have sex with someone because you love them...

— Amit Verma

“Her headache wouldn’t budge no matter how she ODed on caffeine, but never call her a quitter.”

— Thea Harrison

My inspiration is the one and only godfather of comedy himself, Richard Pryor. He's the greatest.

— Eddie Griffin

“Some are great. Some are born great. Some have greatness thrust upon them. And then there's you.”

— Reginald Dipwipple

it is not every tourist who bubbles over with mirth, and that unquenchable spirit of humor which turns a trial into a…

— Agnes Repplier

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.

— Al Franken

I really admire medical people. They have a great sense of humour, and they just have to get on with it.

— Neve McIntosh

“Next flute player I meet,” said Gilan with grim humor,“I’m going to split his lip for him.”

— John Flanagan

Finding the humorous side of life is like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

— Alberta Peedoodle

“Nothing is more terrifying to a man than an angry woman. Add a long wooden implement to the equation and the effect…

— Sean Cullen

When I look at it now, the whole punk thing is sort of comedy in a weird way.

— Simon Cowell

It is very important for me to do different things so that people see that my range is more than just comedy.

— Javed Jaffrey

Remember your self-worth and worry less. You can also turn it into humor.

— Senoraroy

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

— Mitch Hedberg

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.

— Roseanne Barr