Humor Quotes · Page 331

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

— Frank Carson

Humour is ahead of everything creatively. I think if things aren't humorous, they are just crap.

— Roisin Murphy

“You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot.” ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive…

— Beth Yarnall

Compared with what's happening in, say, Darfur or South Ossetia, finding an audience for your comedy show is not that significant.

— Paul Whitehouse

“i nodded as Peter turned to Donald and smile tha same smile as before. The one that said'you are seriously full of…

— Shelly Crane

There are only two emotions that belong in the saddle; one is a sense of humor and the other is patience.

— Anonymous

“Plus, humor was a good way to hide the pain. And if that didn’t work, there was always Plan B. Run away.…

— Anonymous

Jack be nimble , jack be quick .Dramatic pause, girl I know you want this dick .

— Amit Verma

“A man does not know the full depth of his thoughts till he picks up a pen and writes; Or till he…

— Eniitan Akinola

“A doorstop?‖ he squawked. ―Yes, doorstop. As in big, silent, and good only for holding wood.‖ She smiled sweetly, and added, ―At…

— Lynsay Sands

I just always wrote songs as a side hobby. So it was sort of a natural thing to write comedy songs. But…

— Kyle Dunnigan

Comedy is lively, comedy is joy, and that's what keeps us [people] going, we've got to look forward to little, little happiness's.…

— Mel Brooks

“ Mealtime "A mousie squealing in a trap Woke me from my morning nap. Wasn't he so very sweet To tell me…

— Henry N. Beard

I have never considered myself English Both my husband and my son say I don't understand English humour, and they don't always…

— Princess Michael of Kent

The American public highly overrates its sense of humor. We're great belly laughers and prat fallers, but we never really did have…

— Bill Mauldin

Sometimes you want to have a talk about race, about police violence. It's very hard to get through to somebody. Everyone's got…

— Colton Dunn

I like doing all different types of comedy - stand-up, sketch, movies, TV. I like to try everything.

— Michael Showalter

“All I want is for my kids to have a good sense of humour. They don't have to be funny, just need…

— Ade Bozzay

I like subversive humor, freckles, women's knees and long hair, the laughter of playing children, and a girl running down the street.

— Rene Magritte

“My father always said that government is like watching another man piss in your boot. Someone feels better but it certainly isn't…

— Orson Scott Card

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

— Henny Youngman

Salman has a great sense of humour. His improvisation is very good. His show '10 Ka Dum' on Sony TV is hilarious.…

— Arshad Warsi

As a joke, I would love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell…

— Hussein Nishah

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were…

— Meg Cabot

I also have picked a secretary for Housing and Human Development. Mel Martinez from the state of Florida.

— George W. Bush

The good-humor of a man elated with success often displays itself towards enemies.

— Thomas B. Macaulay

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.

— Jimmy Carr

When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

— George Carlin

Once anyone who has a sense of humor can do what they want, they want to do funny bits as much as…

— Gavin McInnes

“I don't understand it. Why me?" "Is there ever an answer to that question when men are involved?" -Candace and Fallon, Chapter 12”

— Roz Lee

We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up, after I finish laughing.

— Cherrymae Esdrelon

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

— Groucho Marx

“We’re here to take over the world-- that’s why we’re starting here in Hamilton, Indiana-- the nerve center of the entire planet.”

— Tom Upton

Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done.

— Jerry Coleman

Like all young men I set out to be a genius, but mercifully laughter intervened.

— Lawrence Durrell

I feel that a lot of British comedy is often too bombastic, too obvious, dressing up and shouting and pulling funny faces.

— Ricky Gervais

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

— Demetri Martin

“That's easy. Any man who cannae keep his balls oot o' the water needs tae get laid. Come on, let's find my…

— Steve Alten

Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for their love, so I think you can at least answer my text message.

— Anonymous

“Even with my sunglasses on, my eyeballs were screaming in pain. Stupid beautiful sunrise in stupid Elf World.”

— Rick Riordan