Humor Quotes · Page 329

“City's gripped in panic again,' I tell Harry. 'It must be a Tuesday,' he responds...”

— Jennifer Harlow

“A dutiful wife enables a good man to add her hands to his own for self-applause.”

— Tom Morrison

“A simple mistake…can tell me what you’re not, or it can remind me of why I should love you.” (404 Error=Page Not…

— Renny Gleeson TEDTalks

I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not…

— Issa Rae

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

— Emo Philips

“I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally.”

— Nicole McKay

I find Donald Trump to be very kind and generous. I find him to have a great sense of humor.

— Kellyanne Conway

Humor connects us, especially in politics. It's a way of surprising one another with shared context and experience.

— Jon Lovett

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any…

— Dylan Moran

I don't want to be ordinary. I'm willing to do the work. I'm willing to suffer the indignities of comedy because I…

— Judd Apatow

Well, it's so cheesy to say but you can't find a comedy director who makes movies for critics. When a movie does…

— Todd Phillips

“ You would be forgiven for thinking Alex Morningside was a boy. In fact, she would be the first to laugh at…

— Adrienne Kress

“At some point Ewan had taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. His forearms were bulging with muscle, and his…

— Eloisa James

“I've got to have wheels," Theo called after him, and swore under his breath as he heard his father walk down the…

— Nora Roberts

“The happy ending of the fairy tale, the myth, and the divine comedy of the soul, is to be read, not as…

— Joseph Campbell

“This was because she knew few words and believed in none, and in the world she was rather silent, contributing just her…

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

— George Bernard Shaw

“On Atheism – One man’s religion is another man’s superstition and, when you’re an atheist, they’re all superstitions.”

— Marsha Hinds

“Never dance according to the tune of music played by your oppressors. Pray to have enough courage, grace to be tolerant and…

— Lailah Gifty Akita

As an actor, when you're doing comedies, you're around fantastic, funny people and you hopefully have a really good time doing it.

— Ari Graynor

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

— Ogden Nash

Life is a huge farce, and the advantage of possessing a sense of humour is that it enables one to defy fate…

— George Gissing

If I can delay your action with my inaction, then Ill gladly do nothing for the good of the no good.

— Jarod Kintz

Its consistency of what comedy can do and what comedy can be.Growing up with that show [The Simpsons] shaped my worldview.

— Eric Andre

“The Dark Ages are alive and secretly thriving like a herpes infection among us.”

— Juilette Fay

At first, there was a separation of clubs and sketch comedy. Now there's all kinds of comedy, making us one big happy…

— Jen Kirkman

A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

— Frank Carson

“Despite the failure of Velda Cannon's Depends, we'd had a great time. ”

— Charlaine Harris

“I hope Marcus (giggle) is there. Maybe he can defeat the evil Cullens with his mighty battle cry, "I can see relationships!!!”

— Dan Bergstein

I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really,…

— Frank Skinner

I don't have that kind of Southern experience of the fire-and-brimstone preacher type of thing. Certainly not in my comedy.

— Larry Wilmore

“It was during Latin that the Austro-Hungarians arrived with their dogs and zombies to kill everyone at the Eden College for Young…

— David Wake

“What is with these guys? Where's the thrill in watching snakes eat? I certainly didn't thrill in watching humans eat.”

— Patrick Jennings

To love the right person is a comedy. To love the wrong person is a tragedy.

— Timberlake Wertenbaker

“That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fricken life.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

The two worst enemies of comedy are lack of sleep and not having had a decent meal.

— Bill Bailey

“We put our flags in soil when we arrive, as if it now belongs to us and we know where we are.”

— Graham Spaid

she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. I think she’d like to have one—it’s just that she doesn’t quite understand what…

— Sophie Kinsella

“Because I'm like the opposite of Cinderella. My ball only starts after midnight.”

— Cynthia Hand

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

— Dov Davidoff