I almost feel like throwing Jimmy into the stove, as the priest in Kulenberg did. — Martin Luther Copy Share Image
“Emily smiled mischievously. "Your engagement was a rainy day occurrence? Afraid she would say no on a good day?” — Devon Ashley Copy Share Image
“But remember, Kacey has a temper and she's crazy protective of you so if you need bail money, let me know.” — Toni Aleo Copy Share Image
“Why does the world hate me?” They both laughed, but it wasn’t funny. SERIOUSLY. Why does the world hate me?” — Cora Carmack Copy Share Image
I found the key to success¦however, I found a note from success's landlord saying that the locks have been changed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30. — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
I think comedy, so much of it comes out of the strange sort of golden instant 'cause you don't know why it's… — Alice Lowe Copy Share Image
“It was like someone in a suit walked up to me and gave me a certificate, which stated “Roxanne Giselle Logan, Your… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
For the better part of the first year in college, I didn't understand a single joke. For the better part of the… — Jon Rahm Copy Share Image
Knowing that pain and conflict is just change trying to happen, that there is something beautiful on the other side, that it… — Jaime Murray Copy Share Image
“I was glad to be rid of him. He was one of those people who could go to New York and be… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
The emphasis in 'Notting Hill' was perhaps, I thought, slightly more on the romance than on the comedy. But I think 'Mickey… — Hugh Grant Copy Share Image
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict.… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
“Now, granted, Howard doesn't fit the conventional psychological profile of a rebounder - that of the no-nonsense, utilitarian "dirty work" specialist. Rather,… — Chris Ballard Copy Share Image
“People like us run the world not just by chance but because we’re the only ones capable of doing it. We know… — Nathan M. Farrugia Copy Share Image
“I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.” — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
“I'm Kieran. You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room,” — Jayde Scott Copy Share Image
“Classroom Activities 1. Using felt and yarn, make a hand puppet of Clarence Thomas . Ta-da! You're Antonin Scalia !” — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
“Your neck smells like cheese,' I said. 'Oh,' He said, 'that's my cheese cologne. I have a whole selection. Chedder, American, Swiss.” — Kristin Walker Copy Share Image
“The man kisses me and I just hop right on him like he's the hottest new ride at Disneyland.” — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
“The rats we met the size of small dogs and they watched us go by like they'd figured out that what People… — Sarah Monette Copy Share Image
“A comedian's life is truly a comedy in itself. The majority cannot take themselves seriously.” — Mwanandeke Kindembo Copy Share Image
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“In a desperate attempt to stay young forever we have achieved eternal childishness, rather than eternal youth.” — Daniel Prokop Copy Share Image
I'm not the guy with the enormous comedy nose or the big feet or the bad posture or the whatever; a physical… — Dick Cavett Copy Share Image
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. — Bob Monkhouse Copy Share Image
It's difficult to differentiate between a story that's humorous and clever and one that actually makes people laugh out loud. — Mick Foley Copy Share Image
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“My Corolla, sorry to report, was mortally wounded in the attack. There were no funeral plans at this time.” — Heather Webber Copy Share Image
“I'd tell him to go to hell, but it just so happens I'm stuck there and don't want to have to see… — Jill Shalvis Copy Share Image
“Listen, last time I talked to you three, you were all two oars short of having any oars, so I don't want… — James Riley Copy Share Image
“Shall we go?' he murmured, perhaps regretting his decision to show me his army of plastic cartoon figurines.” — Jon Ronson Copy Share Image
I don't have to fear that if I do more comedy I'm not going to get to do everything I want. I'll… — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
“Tiddlywinks, tiddlywinks, I want to play tiddlywinks," chanted Ramona, shaking her head back and forth.” — Beverly Cleary Copy Share Image
“Pine: "Okay, Ylvana is sometimes selfish." Ylvana: "…but?" Pine: "Huh? Oh, no that was it.” — A.L. Exley Copy Share Image
Self-deprecating humour is a common form of comedy and it helps get the audience on side because you're being vulnerable. — Alex Brooker Copy Share Image
“If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
“Did you ever notice how the words Attention and Alienation look the same when you are staring at them from a distance?” — Alisia Compton Copy Share Image
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
![“After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations…” quote by Dane Cook](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2cf/dane-cook-1394_comedy_after-you-have-loss-in-your-life-and-aft_1568890.png)
