Bob Mortimer

Darts is bad.

— Bob Mortimer

I eat a tin of sardines every day.

— Bob Mortimer

You can have a mate for 30 years, it's easy.

— Bob Mortimer

We live very ordinary lives.

— Bob Mortimer

We can write idiots quite well.

— Bob Mortimer

I don't believe in credit or loans.

— Bob Mortimer

I think 'the Mighty Boosh' are quite good.

— Bob Mortimer

“Marzipan's a private matter!”

— Bob Mortimer

I hate every moment of live performance.

— Bob Mortimer

I was a solicitor once, so I'm truly grateful because I know what it's like to have a proper job.

— Bob Mortimer

Shooting Stars' changed panel shows a bit for ever, I think.

— Bob Mortimer

I get tempted to do a reality show because I enjoy them so much.

— Bob Mortimer

I don't think 'Shooting Stars' has ever successfully been replaced.

— Bob Mortimer

The best part of our lives is just every day when we are writing.

— Bob Mortimer

Having an audience in the studio makes you perform rather than just act.

— Bob Mortimer

I don't think old posh is as intimidating as new posh, is it?

— Bob Mortimer

Families At War' is a show we are very proud of. It was a great show.

— Bob Mortimer

I look at stuff like the 'The Whole 19 Yards' and it reminds me of my childhood watching shows with Mike Reid…

— Bob Mortimer

We've ignored audiences all these years. We've just amused ourselves and hoped enough people would want to eavesdrop to make it all…

— Bob Mortimer

Performing in front of an audience gives you an extra ten per cent energy and the chance to react to the instant…

— Bob Mortimer

My shyness probably defined the first 30 years of my life, really. It's a crippling thing. It can be very lonely knowing…

— Bob Mortimer

The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my…

— Bob Mortimer

Before I had my heart problem, if I was asked to do something I would look through a mental file looking for…

— Bob Mortimer

I was just a toddler when my dad died in a car crash. With my mum, Eunice, being a young widow with…

— Bob Mortimer

After heart surgery you can go two ways, you can kind of get scared, shrink on to your sofa and keep yourself…

— Bob Mortimer

Between the age of 30 and going fishing, none of my friendships had any of that magic dust of when you were…

— Bob Mortimer

After I had my heart operation I got really into heart stuff. I did think it would be lovely to go on…

— Bob Mortimer

Catterick' was originally a movie. That was what we intended for it and we had the money for it and everything. But…

— Bob Mortimer

I wouldn't wish it on people but there is a positive side to a near-death experience. People used to ask me do…

— Bob Mortimer

I spend a lot of money on the little things that make me happy, like 3 falafels from M&S to eat on…

— Bob Mortimer

With everything, 'Shooting Stars' included, we'll just have some words on a card to prompt us - 'How would Rod Stewart die,'…

— Bob Mortimer

I hate dinner parties, you know, can't stand them. Friends don't bother inviting me any more, because they know I won't come.…

— Bob Mortimer

I was so young when my dad died that I didn't think it had affected me. I had such tiny memories of…

— Bob Mortimer

I don't know much about history.

— Bob Mortimer

I am increasingly of the mind that all fat is good.

— Bob Mortimer

I like having something I can watch every single night. It suits my habits.

— Bob Mortimer

I go on 'Sunday Brunch' and Simon Rimmer's mashed potato is like heaven.

— Bob Mortimer

Our comedy is just falling over, funny faces, arguments, all the comedy basics, really.

— Bob Mortimer

I'd always wanted to do something about football, so I did the podcast.

— Bob Mortimer

Our new programmes have always just been different vehicles for the same sort of comedy.

— Bob Mortimer