He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you… — Colin Quinn Copy Share Image
“Moja mama? Umrla je. Njena je teza da moram sa svim muškarcima biti ljubazna inače će me oni ostaviti pa ću umreti… — Vedrana Rudan Copy Share Image
Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrument of death* Dentist: Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
He is no fool who parts with that which he cannot keep, when he is sure to be recompensed with that which… — Jim Elliot Copy Share Image
“I never hear about dear Mike. I wrote Ellen Greene and asked about him and she replyed and never mentioned Mike but… — Emily of New Moon Copy Share Image
If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Robert Altman's 'Nashville' is my all-time favorite film because it covers all the bases - it's original, moving, and has something to… — Douglas Wood Copy Share Image
Today, I saw a crocodile eating a wild buffalo on Discovery. Bullshit!! We all know it's fake. Crocodiles eat Alpenliebe — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Stupid bitch," he spits, and that's when I mentally punch him in the face. Except it isn't just mentally—it's for real, my… — Hannah Harrington Copy Share Image
I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The most comical thing for me, even when I watch movies, is the guy who's so crazy confident about himself, with the… — Eddie Alvarez Copy Share Image
Sorry hun. But unlike you, I'm not a doorknob where everybody gets a turn. I'm more of a casino, where only the… — Mikaela Lingat Copy Share Image
You will remember some of what you hear; much of what you read; more of what you see, and almost all of… — Keith L. Moore Copy Share Image
That awesome moment when you have no liabilities, expectations and jealous-es 'cause you don't have a BOYFRIEND. — Jhoni13 Copy Share Image
It's funny because I think everybody when they see me, the first thing they say is, 'Man, you could have been a… — Jay Williams Copy Share Image
It's funny, you know: my mother-in-law, who doesn't have an ounce of nerd in her, is just so excited by the fact… — Tom King Copy Share Image
“One of the fundamental rights of mankind should be that of wearing as many or as few clothes as one likes inside… — Sachin Kundalkar Copy Share Image
I put in my pictures everything I like. So much the worse for the things - they have to get along with… — Pablo Picasso Copy Share Image
Don't edit yourself too much. Don't be afraid of looking stupid, 'cool' is so rarely funny I think. And just do it!… — Mae Martin Copy Share Image
Every girls dream is to have a guy who calls her 3am just to say, hey baby, I just wanted to tell… — Khat Leen Copy Share Image
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and… — R.J. Silver Copy Share Image
Everybody wants to be Doug Stanhope; everybody wants to be Bill Hicks - and those are great people to aim for, but… — Chris Cubas Copy Share Image
“Roarke didn't quite make it to Eve's office. He found her down the corridor, in front of one of the vending machines.… — J.D. Robb Copy Share Image
Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
It's funny, but to me, when you go to a concert hall and hear electronic pieces from the '60s, I think they… — Jonny Greenwood Copy Share Image
You always say 'I'll quit when I start to slide', and then one morning you wake up and realize you've done slid. — Sugar Ray Robinson Copy Share Image
“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one?… — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
Obviously we know Bill Hader is funny and charming, but my question is, can he do raw humanity and naturalism? I think… — Mark Duplass Copy Share Image
It's funny, because even though Bridgerton' is obviously a period drama, Anthony's story is quite modern in the sense that he's reached… — Jonathan Bailey Copy Share Image
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh,… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that u… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
If I knew exactly what I know now and had it to do over, I'd be a switch hitter. No telling what… — Hank Aaron Copy Share Image
We want to tell him [Blair] that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Women are like a computer virus... they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer your money, edit your mind, download their problems,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At the age of sixty, to marry a beautiful girl of sixteen is to imitate those ignorant people who buy books to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“We want to tell him [Blair] that we have not executed anybody. They are either killed in battle, most of them get killed because they are cowards anyway, the rest they just get captured.” quote by Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/af9/mohammed-saeed-al-sahaf-3653_baghdad_we-want-to-tell-him-blair-that-we-have-n_2689475.jpg)
