“Mustardseed grinned at Bertie. "I was never any good at geometry, but you’re stuck in a love triangle, aren’t you?" "Shut up,"… — Lisa Mantchev Copy Share Image
I've been seesawing between not doing too much racial stuff - because I'd rather be known as the funny comedian than the… — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“And you're no going to see me inherit the title--you'll marry on your deathbed and beget an heir just to spite me,"… — Anne Stuart Copy Share Image
I'm going to do my best for you. I'm gonna fight for you. And if in the end you won't love me,… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
First day of school WALKS INTO CLASS ROOM. SEES WHO'S IN IT. STOPS AT THE DOOR. AND YOU'RE THINKING: YOU'VE GOT TO… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im not a Facebook status you don't have to like me, but just cuz you don't,doesn't mean other people wont. Just know… — Rosie Krein Copy Share Image
A BOY CAN MEET 1O GIRLS, F*CK 9 , TALK TO 8 , LAUGH WITH 7 , RUN BEHIND 6 , LIKE… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective… — Wendy Wasserstein Copy Share Image
You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's… — Roger Moore Copy Share Image
“We must have a creature made of Darkness to break through the cage of Darkenss that imprisons your grandmother," Thanatos said. "That… — P.C. Cast Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
Only cataclysmic natural calamities need not necessarily be termed as the end of the world. Rapid decline of human values, crimes against… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I read that John Hughes script for 'Mr. Mom,' and I thought, 'This guy is a funny writer.' I went: 'You ought… — Michael Keaton Copy Share Image
All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're… — Rich Vos Copy Share Image
Yes, as an oppressed people, American Indians have this epic burden, but first and foremost, they're human: sometimes a mess, sometimes funny… — Alexandra Fuller Copy Share Image
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Adventure games are all about details - if you happen to take this one object and use it with this other object,… — Tim Schafer Copy Share Image
Why do I love Roald Dahl? His voice, more than anything. It's irreproducible. It's so musical, and it's funny even when it's… — Jesse Andrews Copy Share Image
“...and a third had died in his bunk of natural causes-- for a dagger in the heart quite naturally ends one's life” — R. A. Salvatore Copy Share Image
This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks - to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed;… — Michael Swanwick Copy Share Image
My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
How [stories] are told, who tells them, when they’re told, how many stories are told — are really dependent on power. — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Copy Share Image
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
“You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's;… — The Harvard Lampoon Copy Share Image
“Then, almost as an afterthought, she turned and locked the bathroom door. If he thought he was going to seduce her, make… — Maggie Shayne Copy Share Image
My friends say I make them laugh a lot, so I think that somewhere in me is a little comedic ability that… — Selenis Leyva Copy Share Image
My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and… — Carol Burnett Copy Share Image
“Why do you smoke so damn fast?" I asked. She looked at me and smiled widely, and such a wide smile on… — John Green Copy Share Image
“Is this your boyfriend?" the first nun asked. Clair Olivia looked me up and down. “No. This is my gay friend who… — Bill Konigsberg Copy Share Image
We worship not the Graces, nor the Parcae, but Fashion. She spins and weaves and cuts with full authority. The head monkey… — Henry David Thoreau Copy Share Image
Thing is, I'm a funny actor, but I'm not good at being funny. I'm going to ramble for a second: I'm an… — Matthew Lillard Copy Share Image
I was quite a shy kid, but I was quite funny at school, and I was really into art. In our class,… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
I don't know anybody that has a teenage son or daughter who at some point hasn't been like, 'God, I hate them'… — Jaime Pressly Copy Share Image
A lot of what I think is funny is usually through some sort of character, or speaking earnestly one second and then… — Patti Harrison Copy Share Image
I find comedy to be really scary, because it can go so wrong so easily, and the margin for error is so… — Tatiana Maslany Copy Share Image
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, theyve seen me laugh, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What I like best is a book that's at least funny once in a while. What really knocks me out is a… — J. D. Salinger Copy Share Image
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I love baseball.'… — Bill Engvall Copy Share Image
![“How [stories] are told, who tells them, when they’re told, how many stories are told — are really dependent on power.” quote by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/268/chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-505_dependent_how-stories-are-told-who-tells-them-when_2278082.png)
