The funny thing is I have known AJ Lee. She started in New Jersey; I worked in New York. We have crossed… — Zelina Vega Copy Share Image
Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the… — Virat Kohli Copy Share Image
“Yes," said Margaret, smiling. "You don't have three dead cats on your mantlepiece." Dane stopped short. "DEAD CATS?" he repeated incredulously, taken… — Sarah Brazytis Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you… — Will Ferrell Copy Share Image
“I came in several times and spoke, but perhaps you were asleep when I thought you were awake.' 'You are very considerate… — R.K. Narayan Copy Share Image
Unionism, seldom if ever, uses such powers as it has to ensure better work; almost always it devotes a large part of… — H. L. Mencken Copy Share Image
Why do famous people think that they can only date other famous people? They're limiting their chance to find a soul mate,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.” — Ryan Lilly Copy Share Image
“I said I was sorry, Dani..." Kevin said, as they entered the apartment. "I'm so not talking to you." "I couldn't help… — Failte Copy Share Image
“I'll take these," Danny said, reaching for the bouquet. Just as Kevin was holding them out – and still trying to keep… — Failte Copy Share Image
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the… — Al Gore Copy Share Image
“I had no idea how to respond, and opted for a smile, which serves me well on most occasions (not if it's… — Gail Honeyman Copy Share Image
“Christopher felt a smile -his first genuine smile in a long time- pulling at his lips. "Does Miss Hathaway have many suitors?"… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
When I was younger, my sister thought it was funny to pretend to punch me in the face because my mom was… — Amy Adams Copy Share Image
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Dear Mom, How can you hear me mumble under my breath, but you cant hear me yell, WHAT? when you scream my… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based… — David Thewlis Copy Share Image
Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
It's funny, each time you come back to a tournament you start to feel more and more welcome. It gets familiar. That… — Alex de Minaur Copy Share Image
LOVE, A word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged, and the mutual dependence… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is… — Ben Miller Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm an intentional liar, but I'm a little bit of an exaggerator sometimes. If I'm exaggerating, and the journalist… — Autre Ne Veut Copy Share Image
Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and waited for the door to go down.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“A very ladylike bosom,” she said, approvingly. “There’s nothing there,” I complained. The clerk grinned. “I have been fitting bras for twenty-five… — Marta Acosta Copy Share Image
“She got icing all over her face. I think that's why I like her. For the good stuff, she's willing to get… — Laura Ruby Copy Share Image
“Thank you,” she says and yanks the pull-tab off the soda can. She takes a big sip and aaahs. Then she takes… — Caprice Crane Copy Share Image
I had a strong vision for 'The Best Man Holiday,' so I was able to translate that to the actors and ultimately… — Malcolm D. Lee Copy Share Image
I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
It's funny, because '1600 Penn' was the first time I really started to read the reviews, because I am an executive producer… — Josh Gad Copy Share Image
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
School tomorrow same shit fake bitches annoying teachers ratchet hoes fake thugs unnecessary drama annoying ass people — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
What's not to love about us! People got to know Misty and me in Athens. We've continued to be successful and continued… — Kerri Walsh Copy Share Image
The only good thing about seeing my coworkers on Monday is they're the only people I don't have to apologize to for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if… — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
“He’d never been shy, but he’d always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn’t believe they liked him.” — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
