It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The church is like manure. Pile it up, and it stinks up the neighborhood. Spread it out, and it enriches the world. — Luis Palau Copy Share Image
What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
I think it's just funny, the things that come out of people's mouths, whether it's a politician, whether it's an average person… — Jesse Watters Copy Share Image
Jude Law is in so many movies, that I went to one, and when I walked out they were showing another on… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
In this glorious new age, a key question is this: Just how American is entrepreneurship? The word, of course, is French. — Michael Schrage Copy Share Image
I suppose I shouldn't go around admitting I speak untruths on the radio. When I say something untrue on the air, I… — Ira Glass Copy Share Image
Ladies, if you give men a choice between two things they'll pick the first. They stopped listening and didn't hear the second — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Epcot Center also features pavilions built by various foreign nations, where you can experience an extremely realistic simulation of what life in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“He swiveled his head towards Eddie. "Tell me how to get over to the Four Lads. Do I have to die again?"… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
We ourselves of the present age, chose our common law, and consented to the most ancient Acts of Parliament, for we lived… — Robert Atkyns Copy Share Image
Just be funny. Funny always goes over well, so try to think of something funny to break the ice rather than being… — Charli XCX Copy Share Image
“When he came to, the eels were still being removed from him and Anvar was congratulating one of the rivermen. The man… — Ian Livingstone Copy Share Image
Went to This Weird Store haha were Nutella was only $1.79 And at Wal-mart its like 4 dollars a jar! so I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all." "Too bad… — Jesse Hajicek Copy Share Image
Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had… — Russell Howard Copy Share Image
Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push… — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It's funny how you think you've said something when you never really did. It's also funny how you can think you've heard… — Kiera Cass Copy Share Image
I took nine years of French, but I can't remember any of it. I realized on the plane ride over that if… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I'm the master of distractions. A couple of hand gestures and BAM! I'll pull the underwear clean off your butt.” — Si Robertson Copy Share Image
You think I'm shy and boring & you don't like me because of that but I don't really care. You just don't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Without talent, I don't care how funny the writers are or how many comedy lines they come up, without wrestlers you can't… — Jim Cornette Copy Share Image
Over the years, it's funny: my guys will tell you and anyone that I have a problem not giving 100 percent. Because… — Lzzy Hale Copy Share Image
Words are always getting conventionalized to some secondary meaning. It is one of the works of poetry to take the truants in… — William Butler Yeats Copy Share Image
Don't look around, you'll be impressed. Don't look down' you'll be depressed. Just look at me, you'll become attracted — Innah Delos Angeles Copy Share Image
“Amy Bellini and Sasha Tibbles traipsed down the aisle and wriggled into the back seat, Amy right next to me. Her damp… — Ferguson Fartworthy Copy Share Image
It's funny, I do think I've been somewhat overlooked, but I've always viewed that as a challenge. Everyone else seems to get… — Christian Cage Copy Share Image
There used to be such a thing as a sick joke, or laughing at misfortune, because comedy and laughter are a way… — Limmy Copy Share Image
He that tries to recommend (Shakespeare) by select quotations, will succeed like the pedant in "Hierocles", who, when he offered his house… — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
With comedy, the jokes will come out, and people will see them coming. Changes in daily life or current events can change… — Robert Lopez Copy Share Image
It's funny how we do nice things for people and nobody ever notice it. But once we make only one mistake, they'll… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Uh, puedo hablar con Andrew Nelson, por favor?" I asked, feeling like an idiot. "Quien?" "El americano," I explained. "Muy grande americano."… — Kate Klise Copy Share Image
From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue,… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
Death is not evil, for it frees man from all ills and takes away his desires along with desire's rewards. Old age… — Giacomo Leopardi Copy Share Image
Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like,… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
Teacher: Where is your book? Student: At home. Teacher: What's it doing there? Student: Having more fun than me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Police : Where Do You Live? Me : With My Parents. Police : Where Do Your Parents Live? Me : With Me.… — Newlove Copy Share Image
“What happened?" he asked brusquely, interrupting me. "What do you mean, what happened?" "I sensed your fear, heard you call out my… — Kristi Cook Copy Share Image
