What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
If you'd been where I'd been... if you'd seen the things I'd seen!... you... you'd be me... Or someone following me around... — Alan Parker Copy Share Image
The funny thing is, people only know me for having straight hair for work, but I live in Atlanta where it's hot… — Keshia Knight Pulliam Copy Share Image
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to… — Asheya Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I always thought it would be funny to have the Parents Television Council write an episode of 'Family Guy' and give them… — Seth MacFarlane Copy Share Image
Nothing is impossible. this means that everything is possible. so if everything is possible, is it also possible that there is something… — Winnie The Pooh Copy Share Image
Every American, to the last man, lays claim to a "sense" of humor and guards it as his most significant spiritual trait,… — E. B. White Copy Share Image
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“He studied with the guru of rock n’ roll, Baba Oom Mow Mow, who taught his own version of the Golden Rule:… — Swami Beyondananda Copy Share Image
Game design is a funny thing. There are people out there who are really good at it, but it's not clear that… — Luis von Ahn Copy Share Image
“I read the title from the cover. ' 'The joy of... crap.' ' I read the rest of the full title of… — Michelle Hodkin Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing that when things happen in an actor's life, at some point it's just a performance, at another, it's… — Ashish Vidyarthi Copy Share Image
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Look girl I'm done told you already to stop poppin' that gum! Nikki: Look! If you touch me, I'm… — Madea Copy Share Image
Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
Looking at my last summer pics & seeing how much weight I've gained has inspired me to make a resolution this summer… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I think stutterers are funny. And I know it's rude and politically incorrect to laugh at stutterers. But I think it is… — James Earl Jones Copy Share Image
For 'Dora,' I wasn't sure I wanted to do it. I wanted to go on a serious path. Then I read the… — Isabela Moner Copy Share Image
Its funny because you meet these people and they make you laugh and they give you hope and make you realize that… — Karan Copy Share Image
A true friend is somebody who you call at 3 a.m. and say "I'm in a prison in Mexico" and he replies… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What is it?” “Something with which to penetrate you.” “But you can penetrate me now. As often as you like.” “Doesn’t mean… — Michele Bardsley Copy Share Image
“Beatrix wished she were a swooning sort of female. It seemed the only appropriate response to the situation. Unfortunately, no matter how… — Lisa Kleypas Copy Share Image
The funny thing is that I write and I act a lot about being Jewish, but I don't really think about it… — Liev Schreiber Copy Share Image
Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is… — Norman Douglas Copy Share Image
My granddad was very funny and I really loved making people laugh. I used to do puppet shows and I really liked… — Richard Herring Copy Share Image
“Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know… — Colin Nissan Copy Share Image
I think what is important for things to be funny is if you the listener, or the reader, get a chance to… — Ian Frazier Copy Share Image
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight,… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
Lesley Manville comes at 'funny' from a totally different direction in 'Phantom Thread,' using snootiness and froideur. The effect of her performance… — Wesley Morris Copy Share Image
The funny thing about voice over is you can go in in sweatpants and have your hair all messed up, and no… — Elizabeth Gillies Copy Share Image
This satire business, that was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I was certified funny. From then on,… — Ray Guy Copy Share Image
On the secret to a lasting marrige: One of you has to be sane, and the other one is only allowed to… — Christopher Meloni Copy Share Image
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
Gal's top 10 lies 1. I luv u more than nothing 2. I am single 3. I hope u wont cheat on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teenagers falling off skateboards - funny. Nut shots - funny. Breaking wind - funny. The world cannot change those. Those three things… — John Oliver Copy Share Image
“Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its… — Amrita Sarkar Copy Share Image
My friend and I founded the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival to counter the negative images of Arabs in media. And we… — Maysoon Zayid Copy Share Image
“Morality he found amusing, in the obscure way that only a man with a Ph.D. in philosophy could find such things amusing,… — Charlie Huston Copy Share Image
![“Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Look girl I'm done told you already to stop poppin' that gum! Nikki: Look! If you touch me, I'm gonna call 911! Mable 'Madea' Simmons: My daughter tried that. I hit her so hard she dialed 919! [turns around and starts hitting Nikki] Mable 'Madea' Simmons: . Put that seatbelt…” quote by Madea](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/858/madea-3628_funny_mable-madea-simmons-look-girl-i-m-done-t_3207510.jpg)
