When Thomas Paine showed Benjamin Franklin the manuscript of The Age of Reason, Franklin advised him not to publish it, saying, ''The… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Crabbed age and youth cannot live together; Youth is full of pleasance, age full of care; Youth like the summer morn, age… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground.… — Charlie Sheen Copy Share Image
You always give your best and inspire others to do likewise. That you are appreciated should come as no surprise. Your kind… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Selena:Who says you're not perfect? Miley:Nobodys Perfect! Pink: Youre F**king Perfect... Im confused, Am I perfect or not? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“So what is your middle name?" "O. That's my middle initial." "Hmmm. It's probably something hideous like Orville, that would be so… — Willow Aster Copy Share Image
“I didn't say what kind of book. You have a foul mind Bingley." "Don't mock me on my sister's wedding day!" "I… — Marsha Altman Copy Share Image
It is our knowledge - the things we are sure of - that makes the world go wrong and keeps us from… — Lincoln Steffens Copy Share Image
“Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women. They squinted out at Ranger. "Yes," they said."Your partner."… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
I never felt any pressure to be funny. A lot of the funny stuff I did was more off-the-cuff. I might be… — Jimmy Bullard Copy Share Image
Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“What are you giving him?" Nicola Vileroy tilted her head... " Something to mesmerize and delight him. Something absolutely ethereal that would… — Daniel Nayeri Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HUNTER says, Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“What's a slut?" I ask him. "A girl who puts out too easily." "Puts out what?" I imagine Greer putting out dinner… — Rachel Cohn Copy Share Image
I still tell a lot of jokes and do a lot of funny comics, but the stuff I like best is the… — Kate Leth Copy Share Image
What's so funny is people are like, 'Why do you just post pictures of cats?' I said, 'If you don't want to… — Beth Ostrosky Stern Copy Share Image
You'll hear 'Hippie,' or, 'Get a haircut.' I like it. I think it's funny because they think we've never heard that before.… — Jacob deGrom Copy Share Image
I was always funny, but I wasn't a great musician, and I wanted to be a musician way more than I wanted… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
“It would actually constitute more than a miracle, he realised. It would take divine intervention plus luck, plus some unknown element of… — David Baldacci Copy Share Image
My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“I'll see when a trip's feasible. In the meantime you can sext or meme them.” “YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN,… — Zack Morrison Copy Share Image
Guy's thinks that every girls dream is to find the perfect man run off with them and get married, and have a… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Barefoot and pregnant. After the ruckus last night, I suppose I wouldn't be all that shocked if you managed it," Elijah muttered… — Lyn Gala Copy Share Image
“sometimes when everything seems at its worst when all conspires and gnaws and the hours, days, weeks years seem wasted – stretched… — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
“It's hard to believe someone who walks around commanding so much attention with his acute cockiness, hard muscles, and tattoos would ever… — Skyla Madi Copy Share Image
REALITY OF FACEBOOK: . Kali kaluti ladki, FB name WHITE ANGEL . . Motta Genda Ladka, FB name SMARTY GUY . .… — Hafsa Copy Share Image
With 'Pariah,' at the time, I had just come out. I had a coming out experience, and I was writing about it,… — Dee Rees Copy Share Image
You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You meet somebody on a bus or something, and they say, 'Thank you for the World Cup; it was so good to… — Jerome Boateng Copy Share Image
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“His ears caught a sweet chiming noise, and a moment later a warm rush fell over his body. How we doing Rhage?… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's… — Naomi Campbell Copy Share Image
Dear eavesdropping boys, No, we weren't really talking about tampons. We just wanted you to go away. Sincerely, it worked, didn't it? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
People love to throw stones at me, and I get it. It's fun to make fun of me, because I put myself… — Wendy Williams Copy Share Image
This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and throwing the rest away. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My brother has ADD, which is weird because he drives a Ford Focus. I told my brother that joke but he didn't… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When I want to watch a TV show with my parents past my bedtime, my mom always sends me to bed no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
