This boa, the American columns, are being besieged between Basra and other towns north, west, south and west of Basra. The Americans… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I really like funny women. I'm drawn to women like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and Kristen Wiig, Amy Schumer. They're writers,… — Zoe Foster Blake Copy Share Image
“Oh come on ,'Pheobe continued. 'You're asking for it. Pale skin, black clothes, no lunch and that whole brooding thing? It's hilarious.… — Robyn Schneider Copy Share Image
Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get… — Bill Gates Copy Share Image
IN GIRL'S RESPECT -One of the Most; Beautiful Creations of GOD... -You can Feel Her INNOCENCE; In the form of A DAUGHTER...… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I was walking around with my GF when she started playing a Bieber song on cell & now there's vomit all over… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Oh.” My dad actually looked sheepish. “It’s one o’clock in the morning and I was going to tell you to shut the… — Jennifer Echols Copy Share Image
“I don’t know who you think you are” — my mother’s voice was low and dangerous — “but if you don’t get… — Patricia Briggs Copy Share Image
Sometimes I am so dry that people don't know I'm kidding and think I'm being serious. I enjoy this because their reactions… — Robert Crais Copy Share Image
The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I know what's funny, and I probably know the best way to deliver the joke. Whether it's walking out of a room,… — James Burrows Copy Share Image
“I started studying law, but this I could stand just for one semester. I couldn't stand more. Then I studied languages and… — George Pólya Copy Share Image
When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny.… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
It's hard to be a friend to someone who's depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you… — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What's funny is, I was always certain that I couldn't be a director because there are things about the physics of camera… — Julie Plec Copy Share Image
When nothing was, then God was there, Had nothing been God would have been; My being has defeated me, Had I not… — Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib Copy Share Image
“I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito… — Nix Banner Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to freeze my eggs. I don’t want to visit a sperm bank. I don’t want to be a single… — Monica Pradhan Copy Share Image
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does! — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um...… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry."… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
When you are successful your well wishers know who you are BUT when you are unsuccessful you know who your well wishers… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
We must take the good with the bad; For the good when it's good, is so very good That the bad when… — Moliere Copy Share Image
Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt… — Margaret Mahy Copy Share Image
I took three years off. I differentiated myself from the industry. Found my identity - sort of... I haven't graduated yet. I'm… — Claire Danes Copy Share Image
“We know that there are many animals on this continent not found in the Old World. These must have been carried from… — Robert G. Ingersoll Copy Share Image
I am convinced that tough villains help make a comedy sparkle because they provide a contrast to the funny guys. — Jay Chandrasekhar Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, A very good way to promote civilisation -- if you get a good wife you will be happy, if you get… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“My name is Matt Besser, and I'm an Arkansas Razorback. My father is a Jew from Little Rock, Ark., my mother was… — Matt Besser Copy Share Image
My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said:at the end of this ruler is and idiot I got detention after… — Im_a_bad_bishh Copy Share Image
The biggest problem of all is that it's very difficult to tell my daughter, 'Swearing is not clever or funny,' because I… — Peter Capaldi Copy Share Image
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Australia objects to the mini-skirt not on moral but on economic grounds. Australians are no prudes and the lovely, healthy, sporty Australian… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
Funny whatsapp status You can meet many beautiful people in a lifetime, but only one person is enough to make your life… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor is his defense mechanism, so that would allow me to talk about some serious subjects, but get a lot of hilarious… — Judd Apatow Copy Share Image
“It gets worse. Josh tell her that he loves her. She says it back. He touches her. She touches him back. And… — Stephanie Perkins Copy Share Image
“War's a funny thing. Some men go off and come home again just fine. But there's some that come home and never… — Victoria Wilcox Copy Share Image
