Sara Wolf

“I wake up i Satan's butthole.”

— Sara Wolf

“Hiding is for babies. And ninjas.”

— Sara Wolf

“It comes true because we're wise, dear.”

— Sara Wolf

“Life is too long to be sad.”

— Sara Wolf

“Sin on a hot biscuit.”

— Sara Wolf

“I love you,” I blurt. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for saying it, but I love you.”

— Sara Wolf

“But this boy. This stupid, wonderful boy just might be worth it.”

— Sara Wolf

“Just one punch. In the eyeball. With a spoon.”

— Sara Wolf

“Sometimes people need to be messed up. It reminds them life is short.”

— Sara Wolf

“Anyway, I like you but you're ruining my life. Bye.”

— Sara Wolf

“Yes, my style sucks. But at least I didn't bowl half a game with a nacho stuck to my ass.”

— Sara Wolf

“I’m going to the library to taunt an animal dumber than me. Boys count.”

— Sara Wolf

“My gut isn't wrong. Except when it has diarrhea. Then it is very, very wrong.”

— Sara Wolf

“Uh, you're the fashionable expert here. I just sort of throw on things that don't have holes in them and hope for…

— Sara Wolf

“How many shots did you take?” “Fourteen. I let go of the wheel halfway home and Jesus drove me the rest of…

— Sara Wolf

“Let's go. We have to confront her." I scoff. "Confront her? That's a little mild, don't you think? I'm going to rip…

— Sara Wolf

“I would love to slap you right now, but I’m currently wielding a nine pound ball and I’m afraid that would be…

— Sara Wolf

“Most things that pop into my head are really weird, like that one time when I thought about Shrek in Victoria's Secret…

— Sara Wolf

“And offers me a black rose. "I figured you'd hate flowers, so I decided to get one that matched your soul" He…

— Sara Wolf

“Ello, love. Fancy a cuppa?" "You're not British, Isis," Naomi says. "I can be things," I insist.”

— Sara Wolf

“Did you know rats can leap over ten feet horizontally? And they always aim for the jugular.”

— Sara Wolf

“Sometimes, we can’t do the things we want to do for ourselves. Sometimes we wait for someone else to do them. You…

— Sara Wolf

“The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple who’re still glaring. “Don’t you have something to…

— Sara Wolf

“Sometimes when life kicks you in the ass, you have to kick it back. In the nuts. With steel-toed boots. Essentially, if…

— Sara Wolf

“How did you find me? If you hacked into the Club’s computer to look up my appointments - " “Whoa, I think…

— Sara Wolf

“It’s okay, buddy!” I shade my eyes and look up at the sky. “Luckily for you, I am both stunningly good-looking and…

— Sara Wolf

“Listen to me carefully, sweet girl. Don’t live any other way than the way that makes you happy. If you aren’t happy,…

— Sara Wolf

“Hairy monkeyballs!” I hiss. “Dogshit on a stick! Puke pancakes!” A head pokes in. Wren, green eyes smiling, walks over to my…

— Sara Wolf

“Yes, well, now I am an extremely mature, responsible adult, and I can do things like discuss my trials and tribulations calmly.”…

— Sara Wolf

“This is going to sound slightly stalkerish, but I can't help but notice you’ve decapitated Jack Skellington and put him on your…

— Sara Wolf

“We fish around blindly in a pool of seven billion people, hoping one of them isn’t too crazy or too incompatible with…

— Sara Wolf

“Men like to categorize women.” I curl my lip. “Into convenient little boxes like ‘hot’, or ‘cute’, or ‘beautiful’. It’s easy for…

— Sara Wolf

“I leave her to chemically combust and find Wren in the student council office, filling out extremely interesting paperwork. He’s buried behind…

— Sara Wolf

“Hello, spawn!” I coo at Kayla’s baby brother as he waddles into her room. He burps at me. “It looks like you…

— Sara Wolf

“Dying before you pay someone back is just plain rude.”

— Sara Wolf

“Sometimes when life kicks you in the ass, you have to kick it back”

— Sara Wolf

“You never get used to being slotted into a giant doughnut's vagina.”

— Sara Wolf

“Yes, because I want to turn my vagina into a gonorrhea culture lab.”

— Sara Wolf

“Why do I feel the sudden urge to perform violence on your face?”

— Sara Wolf

“Dad,” I whine. “My friend died and I gotta go kick life in the nuts.”

— Sara Wolf