His smile. His lips. His laugh. His hair. His eyes. His hands. Hishumour. His smirk. His weird faces. Not a name was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sure, I am funny and have a good sense of humor. Mostly, though, I just tell the truth. The internal dialogue people… — Kara Swisher Copy Share Image
The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
“I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using… — Renita D'Silva Copy Share Image
I think dem mfs should just leave Miley Cyrus alone...they just actN like dat cause she waz on da Disney channel like… — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
Good Friend; Will lend you money and not expect you to pay them back. Best Friend; Will lend you money and then… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: [Madea his Nikki with a belt] Why wasn't you at school today? Nikki: I went to the park. Mable… — Madea Copy Share Image
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a… — Voltaire Copy Share Image
I hear a lot of people singing in funny voices and singing like they're stupid. Singing in a deliberately fey and dumb… — Daryl Hall Copy Share Image
“There you are. A simple commandment. Not ten of them, just one: 'Thou shalt not eat.' (Personally, I wish the very first… — Liz curtis higgs Copy Share Image
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win?… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I messed up my eyes. It's funny, I was training and we thought I had a mild concussion. But you know, I… — Derek Brunson Copy Share Image
He's a very natural chap. The public David Essex is the same as the private one. He's laid-back, charming, funny. There's no… — Tim Rice Copy Share Image
As a writer myself, my job has very often been to also write on the job. So you get the script and… — Sally Phillips Copy Share Image
“It’s not really wine,” he said. “It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send… — Jennifer Echols Copy Share Image
There's a specific location in Hong Kong called Mong Kok. There's a stereotype that people there dress funny, they're rude, etc. Just… — Jackson Wang Copy Share Image
“Do you have ovaries?" Jacob asked. I shot him a look. "Yes" He slid down the back of the couch and sat… — J. Lynn Copy Share Image
I don't steer towards anything. I steer towards character and truth. If it's funny then so be it. If it's dramatic, so… — Tate Taylor Copy Share Image
With all singers, insecurity is your best security. That's why we're such loud people and why we walk all funny. You think,… — Bono Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when a package says Easy open & you end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun & a lightsaber trying… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ek ladki match dekhne gayi, lips par india ke tirange ka rang laga tha, ek ladka aaya kiss kar gaya or bola… — Sadie Copy Share Image
“The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized… — Alex Gabriel Copy Share Image
I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“You're jealous of a bird?" she asks. "What? No!" I snap. I just don’t think I like peacocks very much. "You're jealous… — Mia Sheridan Copy Share Image
True bravery is to arrive home ... fully drunk.. a late night out.. and mom waiting with a jharu in hand and… — Sadie Copy Share Image
I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer,… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good… — Sophie Tucker Copy Share Image
You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If I really got my ribs removed, I would have been busy sucking my own dick on the wonder years instead of… — Marilyn Manson Copy Share Image
What really irks me is the snide victimizing suggestion from some that I have tried to be lighthearted and funny... Oh my… — Michael Leunig Copy Share Image
I'm not one to sit here and judge here. But I think it's funny that the people that condemn the adult industry… — Sasha Grey Copy Share Image
“I’m not your boyfriend!” I snapped, trying to gently move her hands away from my body. “How can you say that?” Sara… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
“It’s said that sport is the civilised society’s substitute for war, and also that the games we play as children are designed… — Danielle Wood Copy Share Image
I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I love films. It's really funny, actually. Like, I see a lot of smaller movies. But a lot of these big, epic… — Anya Taylor-Joy Copy Share Image
Relationships Nowadays: First week I love you baby! Second week we are forever! Third week single. be back latter — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Latest Technology: U can now check ur weight on ur phone,Ipad,Tab or Iphone, Just dial *00001 and stand on ur phone or… — Mars Mavis Paul John Copy Share Image
I think mockumentaries are such well-trodden grounds for comedies. It has been done a lot, but it is because of that informal… — Natasia Demetriou Copy Share Image