You know, directors are funny people. They live with these movies for a year or more. And when you go in to… — Henry Mancini Copy Share Image
This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I… — Rory McIlroy Copy Share Image
Do you know Difference between poetry n lecture? anything said by girlfriend is poetry and anything by wife is lecture...:P — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Convey your passion and link your strengths to measurable results. Employers and interviewers love concrete data. — Marcus Buckingham Copy Share Image
The same people who never did their homework in high school are still doing that to this very day out in the… — Jules Shear Copy Share Image
I don't know how to troll people, but there are many out there talking with that intent. I just write something funny… — Virender Sehwag Copy Share Image
“From Time for College - Mr. Chiardi & Other Stories It was time for Junior to go to college. He’d sprouted pubic… — Charles Maxwell Copy Share Image
They think because I am quiet I am sweet, because I am little I am harmless. Let me tell you, BIG and… — Sachithra Copy Share Image
ME IN CLASS: Wait What happened What do we do What do we write When's the test What is this How do… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
When you write fiction, you're like a bird making a nest. You remember every little story ever told you. It's funny how… — J. Courtney Sullivan Copy Share Image
Fly-fishing may be a very pleasant amusement; but angling or float fishing I can only compare to a stick and a string,… — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
You know, it's funny: Over my career, I didn't win as much as I hoped, but I can look like Flavor Flav… — Michael Waltrip Copy Share Image
“This cat is looking at me with judgment.”“He’s not,” said Jules. “That’s just his face.”“You look at me the same way,” Mark… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm just looking for a little mystery in life... like things you can't explain. Like, you go to Mexico, they tell you… — Ted Alexandro Copy Share Image
People were saying I had jaw surgery to have a jawline. That's funny to me because I'm like... use your... brain. If… — Matt Rife Copy Share Image
I love funny Instagram filters. Where your face changes; your eyes become big, your mouth becomes protruded. I love all of that. — Rohit Saraf Copy Share Image
When you're dancing to music and you think you're all sexy and have badass moves like a pop star but in reality… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Playing the stock market is very similar to playing the lottery, except you actually win sometimes at the lottery — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“Lucía snorts. “They think we’re doing it.” “We could always prove them right.” “Not until I’ve taken twenty showers, we cannot.” — Addison Lane Copy Share Image
I have had a really bad day today and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Ben walks in the room and asks, “What were you guys doing?” Nikki says “Nothing” at the same time I say, “Your… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
While a rich man cannot have more than 1440 minutes a day, a clever man makes more time by using OPM or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My name's Hiccup. Great name, I know. But, it's not the worst. Parents believe a hideous name will frighten off gnomes and… — Hiccup Copy Share Image
*What happens when me and my mom get bored* Me: *dancing* Mom: What are you doing? Me: I'm dropping it like it's… — Danielle Boyd Copy Share Image
It's funny because, based on the music I was making before, if you'd asked me who was the one gatekeeper or influencer… — Maggie Rogers Copy Share Image
“How are you feeling Sweet Peach?” he enquires as he walks across to the chest of drawers, selects a pair of socks… — J.C. McClean Copy Share Image
Readjusted law school expectations: when you're so excited that your 'to do' list is down to only 143 items due in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“But you won’t abdicate." Of course not. It’s my duty to go on, to maintain the line. I can’t possibly fail in… — Mark Helprin Copy Share Image
“As the station wagon pulled back onto the highway, the sun was slowly sinking below the horizon like a leaky boat. Well,… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
It's a tough one because some comedians and some genres of comedy seek to shock or offend, or make somebody say, 'woah,… — Rebecca Root Copy Share Image
It takes truth to live with a swiftly changing world. Nothing less than truth can survive. You cannot survive with anything less… — L. Ron Hubbard Copy Share Image
“I hated meatloaf. It was like something that Satan pooped out after an eternity of constipation. So I told Mom because I… — Hayden Thorne Copy Share Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball,… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
But the way they phrase those things when you get to the voting booth, you don't know which way you're voting, cause… — Kyle Cease Copy Share Image
Actually the best thing I did was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
There have always been funny women. But in some ways, it takes a while for there to be women who were watching… — Megan Ganz Copy Share Image
