I have an oscillating fan at my house. It goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "no." So… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it… — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
“Henry narrowed his eyes at me. "You going somewhere?" "Lacrosse field trip," I said. "I enjoy whacking the hell out of people… — Robin Benway Copy Share Image
You are personally responsible for everything in your life, once you become aware that you are personally responsible for everything in your… — Bruce H. Lipton Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when you're about to say something but your forgot what it is because someone suddenly speak out loud. — Ohteenstories Copy Share Image
People are apprehensive about finding 'The Leftovers' funny because it's such a dark circumstance, but I think, really, what the show is… — Emily Meade Copy Share Image
Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers...Rush Limbaugh is what I call a disinfotainer. He entertains by… — Al Franken Copy Share Image
It's really extraordinary what a variety of ways of loving there must be. We all do it as it was never done… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
Candace: ugh I need to go bust my brothers Stacy: technically you don't have to bust your brothers Candace: well their not… — Phineas And Ferb Copy Share Image
The day I retire, I want other women to look at me and say: 'Man, Jessica was awesome, funny and a lesbian.… — Jessica Andrade Copy Share Image
The criminalization of file sharing is pathetic. It's so pathetic, it's almost funny. Imagine if the radio people would have lobbied for… — Lexi Alexander Copy Share Image
You think your life is hard? Just think, there's a turtle out there has been flipped on its back and can't get… — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
There's this funny thing with pilots that you have to sign the contract to do the whole job before you're even offered… — Eve Best Copy Share Image
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to… — Bob Ettinger Copy Share Image
I remember making 'Mr. Show,' thinking, 'Man this stuff is really funny to me.' I don't know if anyone else will love… — Bob Odenkirk Copy Share Image
We get some great gifts. Trophies, very funny things, one woman even made a diorama of us sitting recording the podcast. — Karen Kilgariff Copy Share Image
“Kid, time’s up,” Hunter said to the boy on Santa’s lap. “I’m not finished!” the boy cried. Hunter bent over, until their… — Lizzy Ford Copy Share Image
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I was born in Paris in the mid-1960s, and by the time I was 12 I had started going to the movies… — Christian Louboutin Copy Share Image
A Kid On His Way 2 Home With His Mom Saw A Couple Kissing On The Road, He Suddenly Shouted & Said:… — Shubham Pal Copy Share Image
Apparently I'm a 'Long' texter. Thanks for the criticism. Next time I'll just write 'F*ck you Grandpa.' instead. — Jonah Hill Copy Share Image
I said in my earlier book, and find no reason for retracting my statement, that the famous Jewish sense of humour got… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn’t it?” Michelle said dryly. “That the boy most likely to become the next… — Carla Cassidy Copy Share Image
My brother and I loved 'ThunderCats' and Robin Williams coming out of an egg in 'Mork & Mindy.' At the time, I… — Shaun Evans Copy Share Image
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's funny how the ruthless, murderous gangster has really been romanticized by the media. I mean, I grew up watching the 'Godfathers'… — Elena Satine Copy Share Image
I Remember When You Would Say sorry, I'm in a relationship. People would say ohh, best of luck. Now all they say… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Years ago, there was a variety theatre in every British town, and people paid to go down and see it. Comedy was… — Norman Wisdom Copy Share Image
SHARE FOR SHARE anyone ? 1- SHARE us first 2- post that we are having an admin contest on 66,000 3- comment… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Watching someone getting really angry can be very funny - if it doesn't affect you, you can laugh at it, and the… — Michael Che Copy Share Image
“His accelerated path to yogihood hit a dead end when his kundalini exploded in a crowded department store. No one else was… — Swami Beyondananda Copy Share Image
A lot of people don't understand what being a Muslim is and they don't understand what it means. You just see what… — Belal Muhammad Copy Share Image
Beer:$10, Weed:$20, Condoms:$2.75. Finding out she swallows and has no gag reflex... PRICELESS! Fuck mastercard it pays to discover! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We had a car wreck and I came to and seen my wife , I said honey are you hurt? she I'm… — Virgil Estep Copy Share Image
“Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?" "Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's… — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
Notre nature est dans le mouvement; le repos entier est la mort. Our nature consists in movement; absolute rest is death. — Blaise Pascal Copy Share Image
“There's a tavern by the docks. He's there most evenings." "Then I'll talk to him tonight," Halt said. "You can try. But… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
Doing 'Sex Education,' my character Aimee is super funny and super silly, but at her core, she's fiercely loyal and kind. Playing… — Aimee Lou Wood Copy Share Image
I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used… — Jasper Carrott Copy Share Image
