Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. — George Orwell Copy Share Image
The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending… — Kyle Baker Copy Share Image
When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“We still have a lot to talk about," I said. "Talk?" He shook his head, his eyes full of desire. Kiss ,… — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I served 18 months in Northern Ireland and that was very scary. I remember when we were told do you want the… — Nigel Benn Copy Share Image
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't want to get myself in trouble - and I don't think I'm super important or anything - but I think… — Justin Vernon Copy Share Image
I performed at Mom and Dad's party when I was four. Oh my gosh, I was singing a Madonna song, and I… — Britney Spears Copy Share Image
There is no path I follow. I feel as if I'm just drifting along, because although I can progress physically, through my… — Steve Ovett Copy Share Image
Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' — Paul Rudd Copy Share Image
“Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?" "Yes, I met… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
If u need a friend, message me, need a laugh, call me, need a hug, stop by my house, need money, this… — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old,… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentines day because no man has a chocolate penis wrapped in money that ejaculates… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have… — Jaeda DeWalt Copy Share Image
“I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked… — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
Thomas Edisons Mother: Of course Im proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed! — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“I wont take no for an answer. I will use this to bind you to my bed until you change your mind… — Laurann Dohner Copy Share Image
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's a crazy society when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear, and girls wanna see a movie about strippers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny,… — Nancy Meyers Copy Share Image
“It just seems like overkill when you already have a dagger and I have superpowerful magic at my disposal.” “‘Superpowerful?’”He stood up,… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Shit" Bug said, his face sour. "It's that thing again. We've been dealing with it since Pierce. You think you have a… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4… — Peter Sagal Copy Share Image
I love funny people. I met and became friends with some of the funniest people ever. Gilda Radner, bless her soul; Martin… — Paul Shaffer Copy Share Image
Criticism is a funny thing, because I think if you want to be something, create something or make a difference in any… — Mike Ashley Copy Share Image
Some guys may play around and say a couple of things, but if I say it, I mean it. I may laugh,… — Deontay Wilder Copy Share Image
I definitely spent a lot of high school isolating myself because I didn't feel like I fit in. I learned how to… — King Princess Copy Share Image
My derring-do allows me to dance the rigadoon around you but by the time I'm close to you I lose my desideratum. — Fiona Apple Copy Share Image
“Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of… — Adam Rex Copy Share Image
I'm not a quick wit. I'm only funny on paper. I mean, I'm not totally humorless! It's just that in person, I'm… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
One thing that's really delightful is my books tend to attract people who are funny, so I get the benefit of people… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I stop stretching and face him, unwilling to back down from this visual standoff. I'm not going to let him perform his… — Colleen Hoover Copy Share Image
I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny… — Greg Kinnear Copy Share Image
I never knew you could offend someone by masturbating. This couple just opened their closet and they look really pissed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Suzanne glanced over at her, eyebrow raised. “Is there an anaconda?” she asked, like it had suddenly occurred to her she could… — Erin McCarthy Copy Share Image
![“Guys, if you keep a you-know-what in your wallet, it's only good for a month or two. So, out with the old, in with the new. [Hint: it protects you]” quote by Alec Straub](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/98e/alec-straub-26792_funny_guys-if-you-keep-a-you-know-what-in-your_55852.jpg)
